Chapter 8 - Breathe, Just Breathe (Alex’s POV and Liam’s)
(Alex’s POV)
“Okay, so mom was on the phone, why are you all looking at me like that?” I said.
I felt the panic rising in my stomach again, it felt like I was a piece of glass waiting to be shattered into little slivers, broken on the floor. All they would have to say is one word and my world would cease to exist. I know it had to be something terrible with the way they were all looking at me. Even the ones I didn’t even know. I looked around the room slowly and the last person’s eyes I connected with were Liam’s. He had tears in his eyes and I knew it was something really bad.
“What’s going on?” I whispered to no one in particular.
Liam wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. I looked to my new grandma Sue and she came closer to me. All I could do was stare at the agony in her eyes.
“Alex honey, I think you might want to sit down.” I shook my head no, I was getting pissed. Why can’t they just say what happened? Crush me fast, isn’t it supposed to hurt less that way? Like a band-aid, pull it off fast and it lessens the pain. But really I knew it didn’t. “Honey, something happened on the cruise. Um, well your dad and Leah were out walking on the deck and something happened, I don’t have all the details yet, but your dad went over board, honey. They……”
I didn’t hear another word she said after over board. I fell to the ground. I felt like time had stopped, my world had collapsed. I couldn’t breath, it felt like my heart stopped in my chest. He was gone. My daddy gone. My daddy gone………………………….
(Liam’s POV)
I was pissed, I was supposed to meet Alex and spend time with her today and I had to go out on patrol, because there was a vampire in the area that we didn’t know the scent of. We never found that vampire. We searched all day for it, but it was like it just disappeared into thin air.
I had asked Seth to take Alex out shopping with him in Port Angeles, but of course she declined. I wanted her to have a good day, but of course she wouldn’t let me help her. I wish I could have been with her all day, but the life of a wolf can be complicated at times. Okay, most of the time.
Towards the middle of the day, I started to get this weird feeling, the connection with my imprint was a little stronger all of the sudden. It was like she was in pain, which caused me to feel it too. I clutched at my chest. My brother Sam heard what was going on in my head since we were all connected. He came over to me and told me him and Ty would go check on her, because if I did I would never leave her side. I agreed to this and kept looking for the leech.
When they came back, they told me she didn’t look too good, but she had asked them to tell me hi, which made me smile. It made me feel good that she was thinking about me. But I could still feel the connection between us dragging me towards her. I was worried about her so much.
We kept searching for about another hour when I just couldn’t take it anymore so I phased and headed towards my house to talk to my mom about it. She agreed to go down and talk to my Alex and keep her company till I could get to her. I smiled at my mom and hugged her, then headed back out with our pack.
When we got done searching for the vampire, with no clue where in the world he went, I let the pull of my imprint lead me towards her. She was still on the beach, where my brothers had found her. My mom was still with her and talking to her, when I headed towards her.
“Thanks mom,” I told her as I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. She hugged me back and whispered in my ear.
“Liam, she’s not okay, she feels lonely and homesick. She needs you right now. I’m going to talk to your brother and see what we can do to make it where you can be with her and not out on patrol.” She kissed my cheek and headed towards home.
I sat down right where my mom had been, I looked over at her sad face. Even with me right next to her, she was still sad. I put my hand under her chin and pulled her chin up, so she was looking directly into my eyes.
“What’s the matter?” I asked her. I hope she isn’t mad at me. I looked into her beautiful blue eyes that I could so easily get lost in forever.
“Well, I kind of miss my dad and I was so bored without you around it all just hit me. I’ve never been away from my dad and I have this weird feeling something is going to go wrong and it scares me,” she told me. So I hadn’t done anything to make her mad, she was homesick.
I didn’t want her to be sad, though it made me feel good to know that she missed me when I wasn’t around. I always wanted to be around her. I had been a real hard ass this morning to my brothers and the pack because of how much it hurt to be away from her. Its going to be so hard when she goes home again.
“Alex, I’m sorry I couldn’t be here sooner, but I’m here now. Your dad will be fine, okay? No more worrying.” I lifted my hand from her chin to her cheek and brushed my thumb over her cheek.
I was wondering why she would be worried about her dad, when I heard my alpha howl in the distance. I was instantly filled with dread as I realized I was going to have to leave her again. This sucks. I looked over at her and came up with an excuse real quick. I asked her to have dinner with my family tonight. I walked her back to Sue’s house so she could tell her and then we headed to my house. We hung out in the living room for a little while and then I came up with the excuse that I wanted to change. I headed up the stairs and snuck out my window. I ran into the woods to phase, once I did I heard yelling in my head.
“What’s going on?” I said, but no one answered me. I got really pissed about the third time I asked that I yelled. “ What the fuck is going on?” Finally my brother Sam told me they found the vampire and already took care of it, that I didn’t have to leave Alex this time. I thanked him and went back inside.
Alex was standing in the kitchen with my mom laughing. I was glad she seemed happy again. We ate dinner together that night, it was so peaceful to me to have her with me and my family. I never wanted her happiness to end. It made my whole body fell light when she was happy, her smile spread across her face every time she looked up at me.
I noticed every time this happened my mom and dad would just beam at each other. It also made them happy that we were happy.
The rest of the week, I was always at Sue’s before Alexandra woke up and spent every second with her. I hated to be away from her so much, that every night I snuck out of my window to go be near her. I just laid there near Sue’s, in the woods, listening to her slow steady breath go in and out of her body. It was calming to my restless self to be near her. I needed her and I just hope she needed me.
The whole week flew by too fast-I would only have one more week with her. That thought was killing me. I didn’t know how I was going to deal with not seeing her, touching her, being with, everyday. It was Monday morning when earth shattering news came to the pack, one of our retired wolves, Alex’s new mom, had phased again. When we all phased we could hear her screaming for Steve in her head.
“NO NOT MY STEVE, THIS ISN’T FAIR, WHY CAN’T I JUST BE HAPPY. STEVE! STEVE! PLEASE COME BACK TO ME!” She screamed over and over. It was hard to stay in wolf form listening to her go through this. My dad was beyond words as were most of us. But my dad and her had an old connection that I didn’t really know too much about.
She was on the cruise with Steve when something happened to him. From what we know Jake and my dad were together right now getting information from her and trying to talk to her in their heads to get her to phase back. I knew that Alex was going to need me more than anything right now. She had been right, something bad had happened to her dad.
The whole pack took off to Sue’s house- my pack would be there for Alex. She was a part of me, if she hurt I did, and in return so did they. When we were together in the back of Sue’s house we could hear my dad and Jake talking. I went over to my dad, still in wolf form, and asked him what happened.
He told me that Steve had fallen overboard somehow and they haven’t found him. My heart crashed for my imprint. She was going to be devastated. I wanted to run up to her and hold her right now and not let go. My dad heard my thoughts and shook his big black head at me. I went back into the woods to phase back and walked into the house, they had already told Sue what had happened. My mom was with Sue and as soon as I came in she rushed to me and hugged me. I just wanted to hug and hold Alex not my mom. My Alex hadn’t woken up yet, so I had to wait to hold her. I was freaking out, I didn’t know how she was going to handle this. I just knew that I would be here for her, I would be her rock. I would be her strength.
Finally my dad and Jake, who couldn’t even be in the same room very much, got Leah to phase back. She was in her room on the ship and had smashed up the whole cabin.
All of the sudden I heard Alex wake up moving around her room and apparently so did everyone else because every one of my pack family was staring at the ceiling. My mom looked at me and frowned. Sue went over to grab the phone and call Leah, she thought Alex might need Leah. I went to stand in front of everyone, but off to the side, that way I could be right behind her when they told her. I had no clue how we were going to tell her this.
Each footstep down those stairs felt like it took hours in between the next one. My heart felt like it would jump out of my chest. All of the sudden Sue screamed, I heard Leah screaming on the other line. My dad ran out and phased so he could talk to Leah. The next thing I knew it was like time stopped and Alex was staring at all of us demanding to know what was going on.
She didn’t even see me standing there yet, she was staring right at Sue, who was crying with the phone still in her hands. She looked at Alex and you could tell she didn’t want to tell her, I was standing right behind Alex now and I could feel the pain welling up in her, she could tell something was horribly wrong.
Sue looked at her and opened her mouth once and nothing came out, she tried again and all Sue could say was a couple of words.
“Alex, um… that was Leah on the phone.” That’s all Sue could say.
She just stood there staring at Alex, still crying. Alex stood there for like a minute and then Alex acted all calm for some reason.
“Okay, so mom was on the phone, why are you all looking at me like that?” she said.
Alexandra’s face went from calmness of an ocean to a tidal wave of emotions. One second it was calm, then the next it was like a scared little girl, then an angered little kitten. Over and over again, her facial expressions changed. I loved all of them, but I was so scared she wouldn’t make it through this. Her dad and her were always together. He was all she had for years after her mom died.
I could tell by those looks on her face that it would only take one thing, one little word, and she would break and crumble. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to help her through this. I looked over at my mom and she just nodded her head and gave me a knowing look. She always knew what I was thinking just by looking at me. She hadn’t even looked at me yet, she was looking at everyone around the room and the looks on their faces described the horror she was about to be told.
“What’s going on?” She whispered. I felt my own tears well up.
I couldn’t take the thought of her being in pain anymore as I gently wrapped my arms around her from behind. She still wouldn’t look at me. I held her tightly trying to keep her from falling or keep her together, I’m not really sure which. But I was scared she would crumble as soon as she heard what happened to her dad.
Sue came closer to her and looked her in the eyes. Here we go. Sue told her she should sit down, but Alex wouldn’t do it, I tightened my grip on her.
“Honey, something happened on the cruise. Um, well your dad and Leah were out walking on the deck and something happened, I don’t have all the details yet, but your dad went overboard, honey. They……” That was all Sue got out, before Alex turned to me after standing there for a minute. She looked me in the eyes and just said three words and she collapsed.
“My daddy’s gone.” Her eyes rolled, but I held her in my arms tightly, she didn’t hit the floor. I swept her up into my arms and took her to Leah’s old room. I laid her on the bed, everyone was going crazy and buzzing around the room. I just sat there and held her hand.
She didn’t wake up that whole night. Our doctor that stays here on the rez said she was just in shock over what had happened and she would come to probably tomorrow. Sue stayed with her all day. Sue’s a nurse at the hospital and knows what she is doing. I wanted to stay right here and there was no way they were going to make me leave her side now. My dad tried, but my mom made him leave me alone.
That night Jake and my dad set off towards where Leah was, which was near the Bahamas. She was staying on the Grand Bahama Island at the Sheraton resort. Steve had fallen somewhere in between Bimini island and Grand Bahama Island. So my dad and Jake were going there to help with the search and to help Leah. They both had been her alpha’s at one point in time. Seth was staying to help his mom with Alex, even though I told him to go, that I was here for Alex. Leah told him to stay so he did. Carolyn was coming to be with Alex to so that is the other reason Seth stayed. I don’t blame him for that one.
The next morning she still hadn’t woke up and I was getting a little scared. So I asked everyone to step out of the room. They did as I asked, only because I told my mom that I needed this and I thought begging her might work. So as soon as they were gone I went over to her bed and crawled in with her, I wrapped my arms around her small frame and whispered into her ear.
“Alexandra, I’m here. I know your freaking out. I understand your scared, but please just wake up and we can deal with everything. …….. I’m scared I’m going to lose you, you can’t leave me already. ……………….. I need you and I know you need me. ………. I’m here………….. Please Alex, wake up.” I was in tears by this time. I might act and look way older then eleven, but right now I felt my age for the first time since I phased.
She didn’t react to me at all so I went to get out of the bed and let everyone back in.
“UM,” she groaned. I ran back to her side and grabbed her hand.
“Alex, please open your eyes,” I begged.
Her eyes started to flutter open slowly. She blinked a couple of times and finally her eyes were all the way open and her beautiful pools of blue were staring at me, filled with agony. I yelled for my mom and Sue. They came in and Sue called the doc to come back to the house to look at Alex and make sure she was okay.
Alex wouldn’t look at anyone but me. I kept eye contact with her the whole time the doctor checked her out. When he was done he talked to Sue and my mom out in the hall. When they were finally out there, she grabbed my hand and asked me to come closer with her eyes. I walked closer to her and sat on the bed. I brushed her hair out of her face.
“Is it true?” She whispered. I couldn’t speak I just nodded my head.
The tears erupted from her eyes as she broke down. She moved her head over to my lap and sobbed into me. I picked her up and cradled her into my chest, rocking back and forth slowly. I let her cry, I didn’t try to stop her, it was something she needed and I would give anything. There was no talking, just rocking and crying. She cried herself out and finally fell back to sleep, I was still holding her. I tried to put her down but she tensed up as soon as I tired, so I decided I would just hold her all night.
She slept most of the night in my arms, but it was a restless slumber. She kept crying out in her sleep for her daddy to come back, it broke my heart a little more each time. She was in so much pain and it hurt. She was a part of me so I felt every part of her pain inside my heart. But to me it was doubled, because it wasn’t just her pain, I felt my pain too, my pain for her, for what she was going through.
The next morning she woke up and just laid in my arms again. No crying this time, but she didn’t want to move away from me. So I held her again. But around noon, Leah called and told us that they hadn’t found anything and that made the crying start again. She wouldn’t eat or even move, she just wanted me to hold her and that was all. I went to put her down so I could go to the bathroom, but she grabbed me in a death grip, I could have gotten out of course, but I didn’t try. I sat back down and I heard a soft whisper come from her lips.
“Please don’t leave me.”
“Alex, honey I have to go to the bathroom, I promise I won’t leave you. I just have to go to pee.” She didn’t let go of me and I didn’t want to piss my pants so I loosened her grip on me and yelled for my mom to come and sit with her. She did and I ran to the bathroom, by the time I got done, Alex was screaming at the top of her lungs. She was screaming my name. I ran back to the room and Sue and the doctor were trying to poke her with a needle. I ran to her side and grabbed her and told her I was there. She crawled into my lap again. I held her and asked Sue what was going on. She told me that the doctor wanted to give her a sedative and move her to the hospital.
I was freaking out, I didn’t want her to go to the hospital, but I wanted her to get better. So I helped them give her the shot. I looked down at her and she was staring at me, I could see the betrayal in her eyes. I wanted to look away from them but I couldn’t. My mom came over and put her arm on my shoulder, trying to tell me I was doing the right thing, but I felt like I had betrayed her, like I had hurt her. Something I had never wanted to do.
I rode in the ambulance that took her to the hospital. Carolyn arrived at the time we were pulling away. Seth volunteered to bring her to the hospital, I could see her crying into his chest as we pulled away.
We arrived at the hospital and straight to her room. I stayed with her, I never left her side. I begged for her to eat for days, but she just laid there staring up at the ceiling, she wouldn’t even look at me anymore. Carolyn stayed with her too. Of course they were best friends, but Alex wouldn’t even look at her. I was getting scared she would never snap out of it.
Two weeks went by and she was the same, just staring at the ceiling. They had to put a feeding tube in her and that just about killed me. I was in so much pain all the time, but I would take it for her. I would take all the pain in the world if she would just get better. I even tried to bargain with God. I told him that if she would just get better I would do anything he wanted me to do. Just let her get better.
During the third week there, she started to come around. The first word out of her mouth was my name. I told her I was right there and squeezed her hand and she looked at me.
Our eyes met and the tears were slowly leaking out of her eyes and down her cheeks.
“My dad’s gone isn’t he?” She asked me. I didn’t know what to say to her. I just looked at her at first and she asked me again. “Liam, please tell me he’s not gone,” she said.
“Alexandra, I don’t know, they haven’t found him yet.” I had to tell her the truth we can’t lie to our imprints. But when I told her that, I wish I would have lied. The pain in her eyes was tremendous, I wished I could take it all away.
“Liam, hold me,” she said, through her tears. I got in the hospital bed with her and wrapped my arms around her. She felt so weak and so small in my arms. She had lost a lot of weight. I hated the thought of her being so small and fragile, like she could break at any second and she could be taken from me.
The next couple of days went by okay, she started to get better. By the end of the week they let her go back to Sue’s. They still hadn’t found her dad. The day after we got back to Sue’s and out of the hospital, Leah called Sue in tears. My dad and Jake were still with her, I could hear them in the background of the phone. I heard Leah tell Sue that she was coming home, that they were calling the search off, that they said he was dead. I looked over at Alex sitting on the couch watching TV. She looked over at me and it was like she already knew, the tears that were so constantly on her face now streamed down her cheeks. She nodded her head at me once and I went straight to her and held her tight.
I wouldn’t let go, I couldn’t even if I wanted too.
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