Chapter 3 ~ Moving Dead
I got to the new house before anyone. We moved to New Hampshire. I just walked up to it, starring at it. It was a three story white house. It actually looked exactly like the one in Forks.
I got up to the porch and sat on the steps. I looked around and seen the woods to the left. So I got up and went for a walk. I found this tree and jumped up into it and sat down on the branch. I just sat there until I heard my mom calling for me.
I didn’t answer of course but I thought I’m coming dad tell her I’m on my way! When I got to the house my mom gave me a worried look. I just shrugged my shoulders at her. I looked at my dad and thought Where’s my room! I want to go to bed. He shook his head at me and lead the way. He took me up three flights of stairs and showed me my room. I walked in and shut the door in his face and locked it.
“ Renesmee Cullen! Open the door now!” He said. I could tell he was trying not to yell, but his temper was flaring. So I just thought What do you want dad? I’m tired from driving so far and I just want to be alone.
“ Renesmee just let me in so I can talk to you.” He said. So I just unlocked the door and opened it. He grabbed my arm and ushered me to my new bed. He sat down in a chair and pulled it up to my bed. “ Honey, I know your mad at us for making you leave. But are you just never going to talk again? What are you doing? Renesmee, baby girl your killing your mother. She better than anyone knows what your going threw maybe you should talk to her. Please honey. I hate to see you like this. You’re my little girl. Please be my happy little girl again.”
In my mind I thought How daddy? I don’t want to be happy anymore. I miss him more than anyone knows. How would you feel if it were mom? How did you feel when you thought she was dead? I just want to be alone please. I’m begging you just leave me alone.
“Fine baby girl. I’ll let you be alone. We know you miss him. We do. Have a good rest. Were going to go hunting this afternoon do you want to go?”
No daddy, I don’t want to go hunting. I just want to be alone. Actually what I want is my old bed, where is it?
“I’ll have Emmett bring it up and get this one out of here if that is what you want. Esme thought you might want a new bed.”
No I want my bed.
“ Okay honey I’ll get Emmett for you.”
Okay thank you daddy. I’ll try my best to get better here since that is what everyone else wants.
He just walked out of my room with a frown of his face. Thirty minutes later Emmett and Jasper came into my room. Jasper grabbed the new bed and took it out. And Emmett put my bed in its place. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote on it.
Thanks Em tell Jasper thanks as well.
At first he just looked at me, then he just nodded his head yes, then he walked out. I laid on my bed. The reason I wanted my bed was because Jacob had read to me in this bed and talked to me in this bed. When I was little and had nightmares of the Volturi coming back, he would always lay down on it and hold me. It was one of the only piece of evidence I still had of my memories with us together, except the letter and the ring. I loved my ring it hadn’t been off my hand since I put it on. I promised him I would never take it off so I never have. Alice came in and started brining my stuff in. I wouldn’t let her unpack it for me. I wrote another note.
Alice, thanks but I think I’ll unpack my own things.
I got another weird look and a pout and then she walked out. I still didn’t care that I had hurt her. I overheard my dad tell her to just let it go that I was just grieving. I would start talking soon. I thought Your wrong. I’m not going to talk soon dad. I have nothing to say out loud any more. No one listens to me anyway!
I started unpacking my things. When I was done. I opened my doors and walked out onto this balcony. It had a little chair and table there. I just sat there with a book in my hands. I didn’t want to read so I put it down. I went down stairs to the kitchen and got something to eat and took it back to my room. I could feel every set of eyes on me. When I got back to my room I went back out to the balcony and sat down and ate dinner. My family was getting ready to leave on the hunt so my dad came up to ask me if I had changed my mind. He caught me out there. He smiled at me. I tried to smile back.
“Hey honey do you like your room? We thought you would like the balcony. Are you sure you don’t want to go with us?”
No dad I don’t want to go hunting. I already ate. I do like the balcony thanks. Hope you find something good. Have a good time dad!
“You too honey. You too!” He walked out after that.
In a couple more minutes after my dad left my room I saw everyone leave running into the woods. Alice and my mom stopped and looked up at me and smiled and waved. I just watched. When I was sure they were gone. I went down and grabbed my purse and my keys and got in my car.
I drove all the way back to La Push. I snuck into Jakes window. Billy heard me, he came into the room and seen me and smiled.
“ Hey Nessie, I thought you guys already left?” He asked me.
I had brought a note pad with me just in case I got caught. So I wrote.
Hey Billy. Please don’t call me that. My name is Renesmee. We did leave I just wanted to ask you if I could have something to remember him by. Something I could put in my room. A piece of him maybe. I feel like I’ve left everything of him here. You can tell me no if you want to Billy.
He walked over to me putting his hand on my face and looked me directly in the eyes, I know what he was seeing. The deadness in my eyes were a testament to how I felt. I looked any where but at him.
“Honey, You can have anything in here you want. That would make him happy. I’ll get you some pictures of him for your room. Miss you guys already. Especially you. Do they know you’re here?”
So I wrote again: No Billy they don’t really know where I am. They went hunting. Pictures would be great, thank you. Can I have his pillow? It smells like him, I really can’t sleep anymore, it might help me sleep.
“You take what you want. If it helps you out you take it. I’ll get you those pictures.” He told me and walked out.
I grabbed his pillow, a couple of his T-shirts, I opened up his closet and there was a box of stuff in it with my name on it. So I opened it and I started bawling. It was all memories he kept of me.
Letters he had written me and never gave to me, a bottle cap of mine, pictures he had taken of us, sea shells we had collected, it was all kinds of stuff. I looked up when Billy came in. He smiled at me, with a handful of pictures. He handed them to me and then he wheeled himself over to the dresser and opened a drawer, he handed me a box. I looked at him with a puzzled expression on my face.
“ Its your birthday present.” was all he said.
I opened it, it was a heart shaped locket that said, I love you my Nessie! I opened the locket and there was a picture in it, of us together on the beach and another inscription that said Forever and Always. I looked at Billy and spoke for the first time since the day before.
“Thank you Billy. You know you remind me of him so much. I thought the ring was my birthday present.”
“ It was, but so was this, he had the ring on him. Thanks for saying that. I love you too Ness.” He hugged me.
“Alright Billy you’re the only one who can call me that! Thank you Billy, for everything. I better get back before they freak out!”
“ Okay, don’t stay away. You can come visit whenever. I love you and he loves you.”
“Thanks for saying that Billy, everyone keeps saying Loved like he doesn’t love me anymore. It was making everything hurt worse. Bye Billy. I promise I’ll see you soon” I told him hugging him again.
“Bye Ness, Hey, remember he still loves you and he always will!”
I left the house and went home. They still were out hunting when I got back. I took my stuff up to my room. I put my necklace on and put the pictures in frames I had, I would have to get some more. Billy had given me tones, old school pictures, pictures of Jake as a kid, all different kinds. I smiled as I looked at all of them. Then I put his pillow on my bed. Sliding down to my floor by my bed I started to go through the box.
I put every thing back in its place and put the box on my table next to my bed. I heard every one come back in, so I acted like I was asleep. My mom peeked in and looked around. I know she saw the pictures and the pillow, but she just walked back out. I heard her talking to my dad down stairs.
“She left, Edward, She went back to La Push! She has pictures of Jacob and his pillow. I wonder if Billy knows?” She said. I heard her dial the phone.
“Hey Billy, did you know she was there tonight?” “Yea, Okay, Thanks Billy. Miss you too. Bye” She hung up “ She went there for some memories of him. She wrote to Billy that she fells like she left everything of him there. So he got her some pictures and gave her the birthday present Jake had bought her. She’s got his pillow. Billy said she thought it might help her sleep. Edward, I don’t think she’s ever going to get over this.” she told my dad.
I grabbed Jakes pillow and held it like it was him laying next to me. I fell asleep fast. I was breathing his scent in. It smelt amazing. It didn’t keep the nightmare away though.
I was beginning to think nothing would help with that. Nobody came into check on me that night which I was happy about . I just got up and grabbed Jakes box and went out onto my balcony. I took out one of the letters he wrote me and never gave me and read the first I came too.
My Nessie,
You are so beautiful, When you look at me I just melt. I need you and want you so much. I never want to be without you, but if it should ever happen honey I want you to know how much I love you. If something ever happened to me I would want you to live your life to the fullest, my Ness. Be happy. I hope nothing ever happens to either of us, but just in case you needed to know this. I probably wont even give you this letter. Ill put it with the others in a box in my closet. I told my dad if anything ever happened to me to give it to you! I love you Ness! I hope one day I’ll explain to you about imprinting and how I feel about you. I love you more than anything in this world. You complete me! The reason I have wrote all these letters is because sometimes when I’m away from you it hurts, so I write to you and put all my feelings down on paper. I love you more than anything in this world. Stay strong My Nessie, if I’m gone I want you to stay strong!
With all my heart and soul,
Jacob
I started crying. This is the exact letter I needed to read. I crawled back into bed and fell back into a dreamless sleep.
The next several weeks went like this: Every night I would wake up and read a letter. Then go back to sleep. The only difference was that the dreams where getting worse. I only saw Jacob now for a couple of seconds then he was gone, I just ran and ran!
A couple of months, maybe three, went by and it wasn’t getting better. One night my family went hunting and I fell asleep and dreamed the dream. I woke up screaming. I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to live like this. I would rather be dead with Jacob.
So I got in my car and got out on a little country road. I started to go really fast I was up to one hundred miles per hour and I heard this voice…sound telling me to stop it now.
‘Stop it Nessie!’ It sounded just like Jake, I looked over and nothing was there. I must be imaging things, looking back around I started to lose control of the car. It flipped eight times then wrapped itself around a tree. I just sat there for a minute. I got out of my passenger window, because my door was against the tree. I didn’t even have a scratch. It wasn’t fair.
Why couldn’t I just die like Jake, why did I have to live with out him. I looked at my car and heard my phone ringing. I reached in and grabbed my purse and phone. It was aunt Alice.
“Renesmee, are you ok? All I can see is your car. We’re on our way! Stay put!” She told me. Within twenty minutes they all were there. When they got there I was just standing there, staring off into space. My mom grabbed me. But grandpa made her let go of me so he could make me sit and check me out. She looked at my car with my dad.
“ How did she make it out of that?” She asked my dad.
“Immortal, I guess that’s how!” He told her.
They came over to me, grandpa was getting his stuff put back in his bag, when they came to me. I was sitting on the curb. They looked at me.
“Where were you going young lady?” my dad said. He was really angry.
I didn’t answer him not even in my head. I just sat there starring off into space. I couldn’t even think about anything, it actually felt good to me, because the pain of loosing Jake was gone.
My grandpa told him I was cationic. He told them they needed to get me home. My dad picked me up and cradled me into his chest and put me in his car, I really didn’t fell it at all. My mom and dad took me home and carried me to my room. I just laid there in my bed staring off into space. I really don’t remember anything. Just that I was laying there. I didn’t think of anything. It was like I wasn’t even there, it was like I was dead but alive, caught somewhere in between.
When my grandpa got home he came up to check me out again and I was still just staring. I started to hear them talking. He told my dad that he was going to give me something to help me sleep again. When I actually woke up I gasped for air. I didn’t know where I was or when it was. My mom grabbed my hand and yelled for Carlisle. My dad and grandpa came running in. I felt so scarred. I actually talked.
“Mom where am I? How did I get here? The last thing I remember is hearing Jacob telling me to slow my car down, looking over and he wasn’t there of course, but then I lost control of my car and it rolled into a tree. That’s the last thing I remember.” I was talking really fast, I couldn’t stop myself.
“Honey, you’ve been in a catatonic a coma for over three months. We were so worried. I thought I was going to lose you!” My mom said hugging me to her it sounded like she was crying.
“What were you thinking? Renesmee, Huh,” My dad yelled at me.
At that my eyes got all wet. I started to hyperventilate. I couldn’t breath. I curled up into a ball. Then all of the sudden my body went limp and I slumped into him.
“Honey, oh my, baby girl are you okay I’m sorry please answer me. Carlisle!” My dad panicked.
“What happened Edward?” he asked my dad
“ I don’t know I guess my temper got the best of me, and I yelled and she started to gasp for air and then she slumped over and went unresponsive again.” He told my grandpa
All I could do was listen, I couldn’t answer, I couldn’t move. I felt my grandpa listening to my breath sounds and he told my mom and dad.
“ I think she’s gone into a stress induced coma again. If she wakes back up, Edward you can not yell at her. She has been through too much. Her body can’t take it. She might be immortal, but she is still part human.”
He left the room. I heard my mom sit down in the reading chair and my dad left the room as well. The next thing I heard was my mom speaking to me.
“ Please Renesmee come back to us. We love you. I need you. You’re my miracle baby. My little nudger, please honey. I know you miss him, I miss him too. He would be going crazy right now if he knew you were sick. This would be killing him.”
“ um” I moaned “ mom? “
“Honey, yah its me. Just relax,” she told me
I laid there and looked at my mom, she was crying those vampire sobs.
“Mom, all I want is Jake. I don’t want to live without him. It’s like I’m not even here. I’m so sorry about the car. Where’s dad? I want my dad.” I screamed. My dad came running in the room.
“Renesmee, what’s going on. Oh I’m so happy your awake. I’m so sorry I yelled at you.”
“Daddy, I’m so s..s…sorry! I’m sorry about the car. Why did Jake have to die? why did he leave me? It’s not fair. I love him and I never got to tell him.” I laid there as my mom and dad held me and let me cry.
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