The song for this chapter is Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood.
Chapter 8 - Temporary Home (Bella’s POV)
The glass of water I was drinking slipped through my hand as the weight of it all hit me hard sending the glass to the floor and me along with it. The glass shattered into a hundred pieces like my life had been since the fire.
The glass wasn’t the only thing that slipped, the phone slid across the floor and I couldn’t hear anything else that Doctor Cullen was saying. My thoughts of my dad and the life he had tumbled around in my head as the tears slid down my cheeks. I let out the loudest cry I had let out since I was a kid, I couldn’t take anymore. I just let it all out.
I never thought I could handle anything like this. I always freaked out when it came to anything that would mess my life up. I was right; I wasn’t handling this at all. I had been holding it all in. Damn, I don’t think any human could hold this shit in or handle this. I didn’t even think batman, if he was real, could handle this.
The next several days seemed to blur together. The only main constant thing I could remember of those days was Edward. He seemed to be there with me the whole time. He didn’t leave my side and I was thankful for that.
Before I could even wrap my head around Charlie being gone it was the morning of his funeral. I didn’t even have to beg myself to get out of bed that day, like I had every other day since the horrible fire. Jake was there to drag me out of bed.
“Bella, do you honestly think Charlie would be happy seeing you like this?”
I didn’t say a word as tears flooded my eyes at Jake’s words, I hadn’t really thought about it. He was right, my dad would hate seeing me like this and probably would have kicked my ass for it.
“Bells, get your ass out of that bed and get ready to go. I’m not taking no for an answer. I’ll go down stairs and make you something to eat. Okay?”
I didn’t even have time to answer or tell him there was no way in hell that I could eat right now, because he was already down the stairs whistling to himself.
Shaking my head and wiping the tears from my eyes, I got up and grabbed my dress and headed into my bathroom to get ready. Standing there in my bathroom looking in the mirror at the reflection staring back at me, it seemed to be screaming at me to get back in bed. But I couldn’t do that now could I. No. He’s my dad and I was going to be strong and make him proud today. So nodding to myself after that little pep talk, I jumped into the shower and took the shortest shower I had ever taken, got out, dried my hair, brushed my teeth then got dressed.
I headed down the hall when I was finally finished and actually sat down and ate breakfast with Jake, which only consisted of eggs and toast. It actually hit the spot and calmed me down a little, but only a little.
“So, you going to be okay?”
I was pretty sure my best friend was worried that I wasn’t going to make it through this. I could see it in his eyes, he was scared for me.
“Jake, I’m not really okay right now. I’m just here, numb if you know what I mean. I kind of wish this day was over. I know that’s wrong of me to say but it’s true. I have to get up there in front of everyone today and talk about my dad and I’m seriously not sure I can do that. I’m not even sure what to say. But you know what I’m going to give it one hell of a try. So to answer your question Jake, no I’m not okay. But I will be. I’ll live and I’ll be okay.”
Giving me a small smile, Jake placed my hand in his.
“You know what you do, just get up there and say what’s in your heart. You know, just talk to Charlie not everyone else in the room. He’s the reason you’re getting up there so talk to him.”
Jake had a point, I was getting up there for my dad, so I would just talk to him.
“Thanks Jake. You’re a great friend, who’s always been there for me. Thanks for that.”
Giving me a small smile he stood up and moved away from the table taking our plates with him and placing them in the sink. Then he turned around to look at me. “Are you ready to go then?” he asked.
Nodding my head I got up and grabbed my jacket slipping my arms through the sleeves, making sure the stuff that I had written down for my speech was still in my pocket. Not that it really mattered now, Jake had given me a way better speech to say. Giving Jake a small smile, I headed out of the house and headed toward my car, but Jake steered me toward his.
I really didn’t feel like arguing with him, so I just went with it. Like I had already told Jake, I really just wanted this day to be over with.
***
“Daddy, I love you and I will miss you more than anyone will ever know. You were always my rock and now I’m so lost and have no idea what to do. What do I do daddy?
You're gone….You always said this was our temporary home, that we all would die and go to our real home. That this wasn’t where we really belonged. Just a stop. You said windows and rooms we pass through, that they wouldn’t hold you. I know you're there... You're finally home.”
I had to stop briefly to calm my shaking and steady my breathing, just a second before I kept going. I wanted more than anything to run out of here…run as far as I could. But I couldn’t disgrace him like that. He was my dad. He was strong for me, strong for everyone around him, so on this day I would at least try to be strong for him. So after a huge breath I went on.
“I know you're watching over me. Protecting me. I know you would want me to be happy, I’ll try, I promise. You always asked that I didn’t cry for you, that I’d see you again someday. But it's too hard not to cry, sorry I just can’t keep that promise.”
As those last words graced my lips, I knew I couldn’t’ finish. I couldn’t’ say another word, but I had to finish what I was saying. So I finished with three more lines. Pushing myself to the brink.
“I love you daddy. Be happy with mom. I’ll be with you again someday.”
I had tried not to really look at the people watching me. I just talked to my dad the whole time. That’s all I wanted to do and I really didn’t care what people thought of that.
Getting down off the stage on shaky legs I almost tripped, which wasn’t something I wanted. But, I really didn’t have to worry about it because Jake was there by my side in seconds. He grabbed my arm and helped me down, guiding me to my seat.
I sat next to him for the rest of the funeral, glancing a few times over to Edward who was all in his dress fire fighter uniform just like Jake. He caught me staring once and gave me a weak smile.
After the talking was all over and all of the ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’ were said we headed toward the graveyard.
My dad, being the police chief, had all the gun salutes and shit that they have at funerals like his. Stuff he would have hated. He would have rather have had it simple. I smiled to myself thinking of what he would have said to me if he was here seeing this.
“Bells, this is all nice and all, but something more simple would have been more my style.”
Charlie hated it when people fussed over him. I really wasn’t paying much attention till they gave me his flag, the one that had been draped over his coffin this whole day. I took it hugging it to my chest, letting two slow tears flow down my cheek. I realized it was almost over. Charlie would be lowered into the ground soon.
It was over pretty much after that, like I figured. People started hugging again and telling me to take care of myself. I was really getting tired of hearing it. I just went through the motions and soon enough Jake and I were the last ones there, or so I had thought.
I watched as they lowered Charlie into the ground next to my mom. I walked over to my mom’s headstone, my words catching in my throat. “Take care of each other. I love you both so much and will miss you,” I whispered.
As I turned away from my mom’s grave I saw someone else that had stayed in the graveyard. Edward hadn’t left and he was standing about twenty feet away from me in front of another set of tombstones.
“You ready to go?” Jake asked tapping me on my shoulder.
I didn’t want to disturb Edward so I turned and took Jake’s arm and headed back to his car.
As I got into the car and we started to drive away, I couldn’t take my eyes off of Edward. I watched as he wiped what I’m guessing were tears out of his eyes.
I wondered whose headstones those where. After a few seconds he was out of my sight but not out of my thoughts. I couldn’t help but think if he would have talked to me if I had gone over to him. If I would have figured out whose headstones he was standing in front of.
Jake drove me back to my house. I was supposed to go into town to Forks Fire Department, that’s where all the cops and firefighters were headed to eat dinner together and talk about Charlie, but I couldn’t take anymore. I just wanted to go home and be alone. So I begged Jake to just take me home. He finally gave in and took me home.
When I finally got back home, I had Jake go ahead and leave. I got changed into my pj’s and went back into the living room.
Sitting in my pjs in my darkened living room, I laid there on my couch thinking about everything. Thinking about life so far, about my mom and dad, about the fire, thinking about school, about everything really.
That’s when it hit me. I knew what my mom and dad would have wanted me to do. Right now my dad would tell me to get my butt where I belonged. And that was exactly what I was going to do. I was going to make them proud of me.
The only thing left to do now was tell get some sleep tonight and tell everyone tomorrow that I planned on going back to school. The only problem was, I wasn’t sure who I wanted to tell first. Jake or Edward.
I didn’t know if I could tell Edward that I was leaving really. All it would take is one look from him and I would want to stay, if I was being honest with myself. I had grown very attached to him here lately and I think that’s the reason I hadn’t left and headed back to school already.
I got up off the couch and headed toward my room still thinking about Edward and how I was going to tell him. I climbed in bed and drifted off to sleep.
***
“Edward I’m leaving. I’m going to go back to school. There’s nothing left for me here and this is what my parents would have wanted,” I said looking anywhere but into his eyes.
“Bella, do you really want to go back or are you just running away? You say you have nothing here for you, what about me? Bella what do you want?” he asked.
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