Chapter 18 ~ Life After Accepting and the Consequences of my Actions
After saying goodbye to Liam again, I stared at the phone for a little while, my heart racing. My life was a rollercoaster going up and down when it came to Liam and it had to stop now. I couldn’t take it any more. I was going to be happy with Taylor and live my life as his wife.
I got it together real fast when I heard Taylor behind me. I looked up at him smiling, I told him what I was getting ready to do. Calling my mom and dad was going to be hard and he thought I was just stalling a little.
“Are you going to call them or what?” he asked looking down at me stooped down on the floor.
“I’m thinking of waiting ‘til we go home.” I looked at him a little worried about what my dad was going to say.
I knew my dad was going to be so upset, but I was going to try to explain that we were going to go to College and finish as a engaged couple, then after we got done we would get married.
I just hoped he would understand that I was being responsible, finishing first then going on with our plans. I guess we would see.
“Hey, I have an idea. Since you want to tell them in person and our trip is almost over how about we go home a week early and surprise them? What do you think?”
Smiling at the thought of my mom and dad’s surprised and happy faces made me agree. So he called the airlines to switch our tickets and I started getting packed up.
We ended up being really lucky and were able to switch our tickets to two seats in first class for the following morning.
The rest of the day was very relaxing; we went for a walk, had lunch at this really cute restaurant eating outside of course, it was too nice of a day not too. We got more souvenirs for our families, I even bought Caro a small replica of the statue of David…I knew she would get a kick out of it.
It was really nice to just relax and enjoy the time walking around without having to be here, there, and everywhere to see the things we wanted to see. We did go back to Juliet’s house and see the inside of it, I loved it. I would forever see that house as a special place in my eyes.
After taking one more look at the spot where Taylor proposed, we headed back to the hotel to get some dinner in the dinning room and then up to bed. We made sweet, passionate, slow love that night. It was heaven.
“I love you Alexandra and I can’t wait to make you mine forever. I never want to let you go,” he whispered, as he entered me the first time that night.
Closing my eyes I let his words wrap around me like a cocoon-safe, warm, and happy.
As he kept his slow, easy pace, our eyes connecting, I could feel my orgasm taking over my entire body. As it did, I whispered I love you Taylor…then screamed out his name as I came hard around him. Floating on my cloud, I slowly came back down and heard him grunt and say my name when his own orgasm hit.
That night I lay in his arms thinking about what our life was going to be like, the thing I never factored in, didn’t hit for several years later.
The next day we flew home and surprised everyone. My parents reaction to us being home was priceless.
Walking into the house as quietly as I could, I could hear my parents in the kitchen talking. Walking past the living room, I leaned up against the door frame of the kitchen, just waiting for them to see me there. They were so involved in their conversation that it took a few minutes, but once they did it was ‘Oh My Gods‘ and ‘what are you doing here’s’. I couldn’t help but laugh.
After all the hugs and welcome homes, I had them sit down and told them everything. Taylor was sitting next to me on the love seat, holding my hand, squeezing it every once in a while, trying to comfort me. My dad was giving him the evil eye and Leah was looking at me like I had lost my mind.
“I mean come on, I know we are young, but damn, we are going to wait ’til after college. At least we are being smart about it, we aren’t rushing off now and getting married. I mean we are eighteen, we both could do that.” I was getting upset because they wouldn’t say anything. They were just sitting there. Finally Leah looked up at me and walked over and took my hand lifting me from my chair.
“We need to talk, now.”
She led me upstairs to my room, and as I was going up the stairs I gave Taylor an ‘I’m sorry’ look, he just smiled and watched me go.
As we both entered my room she told me to sit down on my bed.
“Alex…you know deep down this is a mistake, I know you do. I can see it and so can you, why aren’t you listening to your heart? What about Liam?”
I just sat there and listened to her as she kept bringing Liam into it. Finally I couldn’t take it any more.
“Liam is no longer a part of my life. I told him I was marrying Taylor. Why do you think this is such a bad thing? I love Taylor so much. Can’t you and dad just be happy for me?”
“We can’t be happy because we both know you love someone else and that Taylor isn’t meant for you. Here’s what I want you to do. You take this time during college and think about who you truly love. Who is the person in your heart? You know who it is, I know you do.”
She didn’t say anymore, just she got up and walked out of my room, as she did the phone rang and I heard her answer it and say ‘Emily, what’s wrong’? As much as I didn’t want to hear the call, I still listened hard. I crept my door open a little so I could hear her.
“What do you mean he’s gone and you don’t know where he went?….Can’t anyone hear him?….Emily they are connected they should be able to hear him. There isn’t a way to really cut it off, Jacob tried but he could still hear us….Yeah I know, we just found out, I’m sorry Emily…. Yeah I don’t really know how she is fighting the imprint connection, okay Emily. Keep us informed. Bye.”
I had no idea what it all meant, they had to be talking about Liam, but what was an imprint connection? I was so confused. That’s when I heard my dad yelling at Taylor, with Leah trying to stop him.
“HOW DARE YOU ASK HER TO MARRY YOU, YOU ARE ONLY EIGHTEEN, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO ASK PERMISSION FROM HER PARENTS FIRST AND YOU DIDN’T HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY TO DO THAT! SHE WENT TO ITALY TO CLEAR HER HEAD AND SHE COMES BACK ENGAGED TO YOU. GAH!” he huffed and was pacing around. Taylor was just standing there taking it all in stride.
He didn’t dare say anything to my dad though, he was being smart about that. Leah looked over at him and told him it was time for him to leave. That’s when he stopped.
“I would like to say goodnight to my future wife if you don’t mind.” He wasn’t trying to be rude but my dad sure took it like he was. I ran down the stairs so no more fighting and screaming would happen.
Grabbing Taylor’s arm I pulled him out of the house and out to his car.
“I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” He smiled his smile at me and kissed me goodnight. We could both still hear my dad in the house yelling so we didn’t kiss like we both wanted.
I stood there and watched as my fiancé pulled away from my house that night, wondering what my new life was going to be like, and also hearing what my life in this house was going to be like. The yelling from my dad hadn’t ceased at all. Which made me want to call Taylor back and go with him.
I knew they were going to take this hard and all, but damn, my dad was pissed off. I’d never seen my dad this mad at me. As I walked back in the house as quietly as I could, trying to just sneak up to my room, he caught me.
“Get in here, now.”
“Okay dad, I’m coming.”
I walked in and sat down and waited for him to yell some more, but he didn’t. Leah and he sat across from me silent, just looking at me. It made me feel even more uncomfortable than when he was yelling.
It took a while, us sitting there in silence, then finally Leah spoke.
“I told your dad what I told you upstairs and he thinks the same. You need to take the time during college and figure out where your heart is. If you love Taylor fine, you can get married after college. But if not, you need to figure out what you really want. We love you Alexandra, we both just want what is best for you.”
“I know you do. I love Taylor and a few years isn’t going to change that, but I will do what you want. I will think about it while I’m at college.”
My dad was still silent the whole time. I looked over at him and couldn’t help the tears that streamed down my face. He looked so disappointed in me and I never wanted my dad to look at me that way.
He came over and wrapped me up in his arms and told me he loved me, he just thought I was making a huge mistake, but it was my mistake to make.
We didn’t say anymore about the engagement that night, we talked all about my trip and I told them about everything about Juliet’s house and how I loved the lights of Florence at night. How the hotels and food were to die for. I told them all about the museums and how I fell in love with all the old churches and cathedrals.
By the time that was all over it was getting really late, so I headed to bed. Before I could fall asleep, my cell phone went off telling me I had a text. Grabbing it, the screen lit up saying one new message. I clicked it and it was from Taylor.
My parents are really happy for us. They love you, you know! They asked if you could come to dinner tomorrow. I hope you will. See you then. I love you, have a goodnights sleep.
I smiled to myself, at least someone was happy for us. I hadn’t told Caro yet and I knew she was going to yell at me too. So I figured I would go see her tomorrow then go to dinner at Taylor’s house.
The next day as I pulled up to her house she was out the door, smiling from ear to ear at me.
“OH MY GOD, Alex I got in, I got in…” she was jumping up and down and I couldn’t help but be excited for her.
Carolyn had wanted to be a big time editor all her life, well since I had known her at least, and she was going to get her dream. I was so happy for her. Only thing was her getting in meant that she was going to be staying right here in California and I was going all the way to New York without her. My old plan had been to stay with her, but my plans had changed when I said yes to Taylor. She saw my face fall and I could tell she was wondering what was going on. All it took was me to lift my hand and show her the ring on my finger. Her gasp was kind of funny, but I could tell she was still a little confused.
“Your engaged? To who?” she asked, I had to laugh.
“Who do you think?” I asked back. I knew what she was going to say before she even said it.
“Liam? What happened did he come on the trip and surprise you?” I just shook my head. That made her even more confused.
“I’m marrying Taylor, Caro. Taylor surprised me on the trip and asked me to marry him one night in front of Juliet’s house. I said yes.”
“YOU SAID WHAT? HOW COULD YOU ALEX? YOU LOVE LIAM, NOT TAYLOR! YOU’RE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE!”
I’d had enough of people telling me that, I got back in my car and drove away from my best friend, leaving her there at her house standing in the front yard.
I cried all the way to Taylor‘s, not understanding why everyone thought I was making a huge mistake. I loved Taylor and that was final, they just needed to get over it.
Pulling up to his house, I tried to wipe the tears away, but he caught me and helped me out of the car pulling me into him.
“Alex, baby, what’s wrong?”
“I just got done talking to Carolyn, she’s mad at me is all. I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?” Nodding my head, he led me into his parents house.
To say his parents were happy was an understatement, they were ecstatic. We had a great dinner and talked about all our plans, they told me that they had already got Taylor a condo right near campus and said I should stop looking for a place and stay with him. I wasn’t sure my mom and dad would actually be alright with that, but they said that might help me make my decision.
A few weeks went by and I still hadn’t talked to Caro. I was so lonely without my best friend, I even drove by her house a few times, but kept on going not able to face her.
After a couple of months I pretty much gave up on us making up. I had lost another friend due to Taylor. I just didn’t know how much more I was going to lose due to him and if I could handle any more.
The day Taylor and I left for college together, I waited for Carolyn to come say bye but she never did. We both were driving to Berkley. Spending the day there first getting me acquainted with everything, then going to our new condo to get settled in. The next day we planned on going over to New York Medical College which is where Taylor was going to study to be a Cardiologist.
I was studying Art and couldn’t wait to start. I loved art so much, I was going to study to be a painter, an artist of landscapes. I loved to paint and see the colors form the different patterns on the canvas. I was so excited that I got into Berkley. Berkley, wow. Me!
As we drove up to my college the excitement came out of me and I was bouncing in my seat. Taylor laughed and parked the car and we started to walk around the place that I would be spending my time learning.
The campus was so large, we stopped and got my books and everything that I would need, then headed to our condo. It was beautifully laid out. Beautiful kitchen, open floor plan, large living room, two bedrooms and two in a half baths. It was perfect. The extra bedroom was set up as an office for both of us.
All our furniture was already here and set up it was perfect all we had to do was unpack our bags and live. Taylor called and ordered Chinese for dinner and I unpacked my bags and put my books up in the office on my new cherry wood desk. I was doing that when Taylor yelled for me, telling me he had a surprise for me.
Running out of the office area, I caught sight of him by the huge wall to ceiling window, he was standing next to a large box that was wrapped in beautiful blue paper with a pink bow on it. I walked over to him and he wrapped me in his arms and whispered, “welcome home babe. I love you.” I slowly let go of him and opened the huge box, when I did, I gasped.
Looking up at him with tears streaming down my face, I threw my arms around him. He helped me get my new art easel out of the box and also pulled several smaller boxes out. I opened the other boxes while he put my easel together. He had gotten me all the supplies I needed to start with: new brushes, new paints, new palettes, several new canvases. I was in heaven. I couldn’t stop crying crazy, happy tears.
Going to him and wrapping my arms around the man I loved, I thanked him for everything and pulled him slowly into our bedroom, pushing him down on the bed and gave him the show of his life.
Turning on some music, looking at his cheesy smile that spread across his face, I winked at him and slowly pulled my shirt over my head. My hips swayed to the beat of the music, as I slowly and provocatively unbuttoned my pants and made sure he was watching, and boy was he ever. He was watching every move my hands were making, watching my hips and licking his lips.
I looked down at my pants and just as slowly slipped them down my legs and stepped out of them. When I looked over at Taylor I gasped, it wasn’t Taylor I was looking at it, Taylor had transformed into Liam and he was whispering how beautiful I was. Shaking my head trying to dispel the vision finally worked, and the magical Liam was Taylor once more.
That was the weirdest feeling in the world to see Liam laying there where Taylor was. I couldn’t contain my gasps, I couldn’t breathe. I fell to the ground, my heart felt like it would pound right out of my chest. Taylor darted over to me and grabbed my face in between his hands.
“Baby, baby are you okay? Alex?” Looking up into his eyes, I couldn’t speak though. I was having a full out panic attack.
Taylor had seen me do this a few times and just sat there and held me, giving me my inhaler and helping me take it. I hadn’t had a panic attack in months I had been doing great with them, but not tonight.
He rocked me in his arms running his fingers through my hair. I calmed down after a while, but I was worn out by then. I started to drift to sleep in his arms, he picked me up, rising from the floor himself and carried me to bed and tucked me into his side where we both fell asleep.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The next several months flew by with school and just living. Our first year of school went by so quickly that I didn’t even realize it. We were getting ready to start our second year in college when I slowed down and realized that we had already been in this city for a year. It was a crazy feeling, I hadn’t seen my mom in dad in months. They came to see the condo and see me about four months ago, but other than that, I only talked to them on the phone.
I hadn’t heard anything from Caro either, I tried to call her a few times but I always got the voice mail so I hung up. What I had to say couldn’t be left on a voice mail message, so I just kept calling back. I wanted my friend back desperately but I didn’t really know how to make things better between us.
So life went on, without the ones I really wanted to talk to. I made some really great friends in school though. Even though Taylor scared some of them off one night.
Walking out of the library with a group of my study buddies, laughing it up with Kyle and Andrew, I felt someone pull me away from everyone, yanking my arm away from my body. Taylor was standing there glaring at my friends, all predatory like, looking up into his face, but he wouldn’t look at me at all.
He drug me away from them, dragging me to the car and placing me in my seat and dashing over to his side and getting in, slamming the door. I didn’t understand what his problem was, he knew I was studying at the library tonight, he knew I was studying with my group of friends. So I was totally confused as to what his problem was.
Screeching the tires we headed towards our place. I had no clue what to say to him so I kept quiet. As soon as we got home, he threw his door open and came around yanking mine open and yanking me out of the car pushing me towards the condo. Once inside the lobby he acted like nothing was wrong, even smiled at the security guard, I didn’t, I was freaking out inside. Screaming for him to call the cops if he heard me screaming.
The only other time I had ever seen him this angry was at one of my birthday parties where he ended up knocking me over, but that anger wasn’t directed at me(,) it was towards Liam. Now, though, he was angry at me and in the elevator he was shooting daggers at me with his eyes. I wouldn’t actually looking at him though, just out of the corner of my eye. I couldn’t breath I was so scared.
The elevator doors opened and we went to our door and opened it and I walked in. He came in and slammed the door so hard that my pictured fell from the wall shattering the glass into a million little slivers of glass.
Startled by the glass breaking I backed into the living room scared shitless. I couldn’t catch my breath at all, he stalked towards me like a predator. I kept my eyes on him but not really meeting his eyes. He got right up in my face and started yelling at me.
“What where you doing with those guys? What do you think you were doing? You are mine. Do you hear me? Mine! You do not hang out with guys!”
I was shaking so bad I almost fell to the floor but somehow I stood my ground.
“Taylor you knew where I was and who I was with. What do you think I was doing? We were studying for an exam coming up. God, do you think I would go out and cheat on you seriously?”
He just looked down at me and turned around grabbing his keys, but when he got over to the door, he looked over at my newest painting I had hung there and he punched right through it and the wall. My painting fell to the floor at the same time as me. The wall crumpled under his fist, and he walked out the door, leaving me there all alone and crumbled on the floor.
After about an hour being on the floor he came back to find me still lying there, crumbled and broken just like my painting. He rushed to me and picked me up in his arms and told me how sorry he was and that he just didn’t like me to be around other guys. I told him I had guy friends at school and had to work with them and that he would have to get over that. He agreed and held me tight for a while, then helped me clean up the mess.
We went to bed early that night, but we didn’t make love, I was so tired from everything he put me through I told him no.
Coming out of my memories of that day, I could still feel the power of his stare. Sitting with the wedding planner, Carolyn, my mom and Taylor’s mom, I felt them all staring at me.
“Sorry, I was just floating in my memories of us together.” I laughed it off like it was nothing. No one knew about that night, no one!
Carolyn had come around right after that, we had been doing the same things to each other. Calling and not leaving messages. So finally she got fed up and came to see me, I grabbed her and hugged her. We talked everything through and haven’t been apart since really. She’s still my best friend, even though I’ve kept some things, like that night, from her.
Four years had gone by so fast, my head was spinning and now we were in the last leg of planning the wedding. The wedding was in a month actually and I was so nervous it wasn’t funny. I had told myself I was making the right decision a million times, but I really wasn’t sure. I kept telling myself over and over that he was just mad and that he would never hurt me. My mind and my heart were battling each other constantly. In my head I saw us growing old together...perfect, no problems, but in my heart I felt otherwise.
I found out from my mom that no one had heard from Liam in the four years I had been gone. I didn’t understand how he could do that to his family and friends. I was angry that he did that to his mom, I always loved Emily and had asked her to come to the wedding and she’d agreed to it actually.
My dad wasn’t the happiest with me, he still told me repeatedly that he was upset with my decision but that it was mine to make. I had lost a lot because of Taylor, my relationship with my dad was another one going down the drain. I had no clue what to do to fix it either.
I watched him shake his head and walk into the living room and away from us in the dinning room. I couldn’t take it anymore, I got up out of my chair and walked after him.
“Dad.”
“What is it Alexandra?” Just the tone of his voice made me start crying.
“Why can’t you just…be happy for me? Don’t you love me enough to just be happy for me?”
He left me standing there, sobbing. He didn’t say another word to me that whole month. I wasn’t even sure he was going to walk me down the isle. I had lost my dad!
I got it together real fast when I heard Taylor behind me. I looked up at him smiling, I told him what I was getting ready to do. Calling my mom and dad was going to be hard and he thought I was just stalling a little.
“Are you going to call them or what?” he asked looking down at me stooped down on the floor.
“I’m thinking of waiting ‘til we go home.” I looked at him a little worried about what my dad was going to say.
I knew my dad was going to be so upset, but I was going to try to explain that we were going to go to College and finish as a engaged couple, then after we got done we would get married.
I just hoped he would understand that I was being responsible, finishing first then going on with our plans. I guess we would see.
“Hey, I have an idea. Since you want to tell them in person and our trip is almost over how about we go home a week early and surprise them? What do you think?”
Smiling at the thought of my mom and dad’s surprised and happy faces made me agree. So he called the airlines to switch our tickets and I started getting packed up.
We ended up being really lucky and were able to switch our tickets to two seats in first class for the following morning.
The rest of the day was very relaxing; we went for a walk, had lunch at this really cute restaurant eating outside of course, it was too nice of a day not too. We got more souvenirs for our families, I even bought Caro a small replica of the statue of David…I knew she would get a kick out of it.
It was really nice to just relax and enjoy the time walking around without having to be here, there, and everywhere to see the things we wanted to see. We did go back to Juliet’s house and see the inside of it, I loved it. I would forever see that house as a special place in my eyes.
After taking one more look at the spot where Taylor proposed, we headed back to the hotel to get some dinner in the dinning room and then up to bed. We made sweet, passionate, slow love that night. It was heaven.
“I love you Alexandra and I can’t wait to make you mine forever. I never want to let you go,” he whispered, as he entered me the first time that night.
Closing my eyes I let his words wrap around me like a cocoon-safe, warm, and happy.
As he kept his slow, easy pace, our eyes connecting, I could feel my orgasm taking over my entire body. As it did, I whispered I love you Taylor…then screamed out his name as I came hard around him. Floating on my cloud, I slowly came back down and heard him grunt and say my name when his own orgasm hit.
That night I lay in his arms thinking about what our life was going to be like, the thing I never factored in, didn’t hit for several years later.
The next day we flew home and surprised everyone. My parents reaction to us being home was priceless.
Walking into the house as quietly as I could, I could hear my parents in the kitchen talking. Walking past the living room, I leaned up against the door frame of the kitchen, just waiting for them to see me there. They were so involved in their conversation that it took a few minutes, but once they did it was ‘Oh My Gods‘ and ‘what are you doing here’s’. I couldn’t help but laugh.
After all the hugs and welcome homes, I had them sit down and told them everything. Taylor was sitting next to me on the love seat, holding my hand, squeezing it every once in a while, trying to comfort me. My dad was giving him the evil eye and Leah was looking at me like I had lost my mind.
“I mean come on, I know we are young, but damn, we are going to wait ’til after college. At least we are being smart about it, we aren’t rushing off now and getting married. I mean we are eighteen, we both could do that.” I was getting upset because they wouldn’t say anything. They were just sitting there. Finally Leah looked up at me and walked over and took my hand lifting me from my chair.
“We need to talk, now.”
She led me upstairs to my room, and as I was going up the stairs I gave Taylor an ‘I’m sorry’ look, he just smiled and watched me go.
As we both entered my room she told me to sit down on my bed.
“Alex…you know deep down this is a mistake, I know you do. I can see it and so can you, why aren’t you listening to your heart? What about Liam?”
I just sat there and listened to her as she kept bringing Liam into it. Finally I couldn’t take it any more.
“Liam is no longer a part of my life. I told him I was marrying Taylor. Why do you think this is such a bad thing? I love Taylor so much. Can’t you and dad just be happy for me?”
“We can’t be happy because we both know you love someone else and that Taylor isn’t meant for you. Here’s what I want you to do. You take this time during college and think about who you truly love. Who is the person in your heart? You know who it is, I know you do.”
She didn’t say anymore, just she got up and walked out of my room, as she did the phone rang and I heard her answer it and say ‘Emily, what’s wrong’? As much as I didn’t want to hear the call, I still listened hard. I crept my door open a little so I could hear her.
“What do you mean he’s gone and you don’t know where he went?….Can’t anyone hear him?….Emily they are connected they should be able to hear him. There isn’t a way to really cut it off, Jacob tried but he could still hear us….Yeah I know, we just found out, I’m sorry Emily…. Yeah I don’t really know how she is fighting the imprint connection, okay Emily. Keep us informed. Bye.”
I had no idea what it all meant, they had to be talking about Liam, but what was an imprint connection? I was so confused. That’s when I heard my dad yelling at Taylor, with Leah trying to stop him.
“HOW DARE YOU ASK HER TO MARRY YOU, YOU ARE ONLY EIGHTEEN, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO ASK PERMISSION FROM HER PARENTS FIRST AND YOU DIDN’T HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY TO DO THAT! SHE WENT TO ITALY TO CLEAR HER HEAD AND SHE COMES BACK ENGAGED TO YOU. GAH!” he huffed and was pacing around. Taylor was just standing there taking it all in stride.
He didn’t dare say anything to my dad though, he was being smart about that. Leah looked over at him and told him it was time for him to leave. That’s when he stopped.
“I would like to say goodnight to my future wife if you don’t mind.” He wasn’t trying to be rude but my dad sure took it like he was. I ran down the stairs so no more fighting and screaming would happen.
Grabbing Taylor’s arm I pulled him out of the house and out to his car.
“I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” He smiled his smile at me and kissed me goodnight. We could both still hear my dad in the house yelling so we didn’t kiss like we both wanted.
I stood there and watched as my fiancé pulled away from my house that night, wondering what my new life was going to be like, and also hearing what my life in this house was going to be like. The yelling from my dad hadn’t ceased at all. Which made me want to call Taylor back and go with him.
I knew they were going to take this hard and all, but damn, my dad was pissed off. I’d never seen my dad this mad at me. As I walked back in the house as quietly as I could, trying to just sneak up to my room, he caught me.
“Get in here, now.”
“Okay dad, I’m coming.”
I walked in and sat down and waited for him to yell some more, but he didn’t. Leah and he sat across from me silent, just looking at me. It made me feel even more uncomfortable than when he was yelling.
It took a while, us sitting there in silence, then finally Leah spoke.
“I told your dad what I told you upstairs and he thinks the same. You need to take the time during college and figure out where your heart is. If you love Taylor fine, you can get married after college. But if not, you need to figure out what you really want. We love you Alexandra, we both just want what is best for you.”
“I know you do. I love Taylor and a few years isn’t going to change that, but I will do what you want. I will think about it while I’m at college.”
My dad was still silent the whole time. I looked over at him and couldn’t help the tears that streamed down my face. He looked so disappointed in me and I never wanted my dad to look at me that way.
He came over and wrapped me up in his arms and told me he loved me, he just thought I was making a huge mistake, but it was my mistake to make.
We didn’t say anymore about the engagement that night, we talked all about my trip and I told them about everything about Juliet’s house and how I loved the lights of Florence at night. How the hotels and food were to die for. I told them all about the museums and how I fell in love with all the old churches and cathedrals.
By the time that was all over it was getting really late, so I headed to bed. Before I could fall asleep, my cell phone went off telling me I had a text. Grabbing it, the screen lit up saying one new message. I clicked it and it was from Taylor.
My parents are really happy for us. They love you, you know! They asked if you could come to dinner tomorrow. I hope you will. See you then. I love you, have a goodnights sleep.
I smiled to myself, at least someone was happy for us. I hadn’t told Caro yet and I knew she was going to yell at me too. So I figured I would go see her tomorrow then go to dinner at Taylor’s house.
The next day as I pulled up to her house she was out the door, smiling from ear to ear at me.
“OH MY GOD, Alex I got in, I got in…” she was jumping up and down and I couldn’t help but be excited for her.
Carolyn had wanted to be a big time editor all her life, well since I had known her at least, and she was going to get her dream. I was so happy for her. Only thing was her getting in meant that she was going to be staying right here in California and I was going all the way to New York without her. My old plan had been to stay with her, but my plans had changed when I said yes to Taylor. She saw my face fall and I could tell she was wondering what was going on. All it took was me to lift my hand and show her the ring on my finger. Her gasp was kind of funny, but I could tell she was still a little confused.
“Your engaged? To who?” she asked, I had to laugh.
“Who do you think?” I asked back. I knew what she was going to say before she even said it.
“Liam? What happened did he come on the trip and surprise you?” I just shook my head. That made her even more confused.
“I’m marrying Taylor, Caro. Taylor surprised me on the trip and asked me to marry him one night in front of Juliet’s house. I said yes.”
“YOU SAID WHAT? HOW COULD YOU ALEX? YOU LOVE LIAM, NOT TAYLOR! YOU’RE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE!”
I’d had enough of people telling me that, I got back in my car and drove away from my best friend, leaving her there at her house standing in the front yard.
I cried all the way to Taylor‘s, not understanding why everyone thought I was making a huge mistake. I loved Taylor and that was final, they just needed to get over it.
Pulling up to his house, I tried to wipe the tears away, but he caught me and helped me out of the car pulling me into him.
“Alex, baby, what’s wrong?”
“I just got done talking to Carolyn, she’s mad at me is all. I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?” Nodding my head, he led me into his parents house.
To say his parents were happy was an understatement, they were ecstatic. We had a great dinner and talked about all our plans, they told me that they had already got Taylor a condo right near campus and said I should stop looking for a place and stay with him. I wasn’t sure my mom and dad would actually be alright with that, but they said that might help me make my decision.
A few weeks went by and I still hadn’t talked to Caro. I was so lonely without my best friend, I even drove by her house a few times, but kept on going not able to face her.
After a couple of months I pretty much gave up on us making up. I had lost another friend due to Taylor. I just didn’t know how much more I was going to lose due to him and if I could handle any more.
The day Taylor and I left for college together, I waited for Carolyn to come say bye but she never did. We both were driving to Berkley. Spending the day there first getting me acquainted with everything, then going to our new condo to get settled in. The next day we planned on going over to New York Medical College which is where Taylor was going to study to be a Cardiologist.
I was studying Art and couldn’t wait to start. I loved art so much, I was going to study to be a painter, an artist of landscapes. I loved to paint and see the colors form the different patterns on the canvas. I was so excited that I got into Berkley. Berkley, wow. Me!
As we drove up to my college the excitement came out of me and I was bouncing in my seat. Taylor laughed and parked the car and we started to walk around the place that I would be spending my time learning.
The campus was so large, we stopped and got my books and everything that I would need, then headed to our condo. It was beautifully laid out. Beautiful kitchen, open floor plan, large living room, two bedrooms and two in a half baths. It was perfect. The extra bedroom was set up as an office for both of us.
All our furniture was already here and set up it was perfect all we had to do was unpack our bags and live. Taylor called and ordered Chinese for dinner and I unpacked my bags and put my books up in the office on my new cherry wood desk. I was doing that when Taylor yelled for me, telling me he had a surprise for me.
Running out of the office area, I caught sight of him by the huge wall to ceiling window, he was standing next to a large box that was wrapped in beautiful blue paper with a pink bow on it. I walked over to him and he wrapped me in his arms and whispered, “welcome home babe. I love you.” I slowly let go of him and opened the huge box, when I did, I gasped.
Looking up at him with tears streaming down my face, I threw my arms around him. He helped me get my new art easel out of the box and also pulled several smaller boxes out. I opened the other boxes while he put my easel together. He had gotten me all the supplies I needed to start with: new brushes, new paints, new palettes, several new canvases. I was in heaven. I couldn’t stop crying crazy, happy tears.
Going to him and wrapping my arms around the man I loved, I thanked him for everything and pulled him slowly into our bedroom, pushing him down on the bed and gave him the show of his life.
Turning on some music, looking at his cheesy smile that spread across his face, I winked at him and slowly pulled my shirt over my head. My hips swayed to the beat of the music, as I slowly and provocatively unbuttoned my pants and made sure he was watching, and boy was he ever. He was watching every move my hands were making, watching my hips and licking his lips.
I looked down at my pants and just as slowly slipped them down my legs and stepped out of them. When I looked over at Taylor I gasped, it wasn’t Taylor I was looking at it, Taylor had transformed into Liam and he was whispering how beautiful I was. Shaking my head trying to dispel the vision finally worked, and the magical Liam was Taylor once more.
That was the weirdest feeling in the world to see Liam laying there where Taylor was. I couldn’t contain my gasps, I couldn’t breathe. I fell to the ground, my heart felt like it would pound right out of my chest. Taylor darted over to me and grabbed my face in between his hands.
“Baby, baby are you okay? Alex?” Looking up into his eyes, I couldn’t speak though. I was having a full out panic attack.
Taylor had seen me do this a few times and just sat there and held me, giving me my inhaler and helping me take it. I hadn’t had a panic attack in months I had been doing great with them, but not tonight.
He rocked me in his arms running his fingers through my hair. I calmed down after a while, but I was worn out by then. I started to drift to sleep in his arms, he picked me up, rising from the floor himself and carried me to bed and tucked me into his side where we both fell asleep.
I hadn’t heard anything from Caro either, I tried to call her a few times but I always got the voice mail so I hung up. What I had to say couldn’t be left on a voice mail message, so I just kept calling back. I wanted my friend back desperately but I didn’t really know how to make things better between us.
So life went on, without the ones I really wanted to talk to. I made some really great friends in school though. Even though Taylor scared some of them off one night.
Walking out of the library with a group of my study buddies, laughing it up with Kyle and Andrew, I felt someone pull me away from everyone, yanking my arm away from my body. Taylor was standing there glaring at my friends, all predatory like, looking up into his face, but he wouldn’t look at me at all.
He drug me away from them, dragging me to the car and placing me in my seat and dashing over to his side and getting in, slamming the door. I didn’t understand what his problem was, he knew I was studying at the library tonight, he knew I was studying with my group of friends. So I was totally confused as to what his problem was.
Screeching the tires we headed towards our place. I had no clue what to say to him so I kept quiet. As soon as we got home, he threw his door open and came around yanking mine open and yanking me out of the car pushing me towards the condo. Once inside the lobby he acted like nothing was wrong, even smiled at the security guard, I didn’t, I was freaking out inside. Screaming for him to call the cops if he heard me screaming.
The only other time I had ever seen him this angry was at one of my birthday parties where he ended up knocking me over, but that anger wasn’t directed at me(,) it was towards Liam. Now, though, he was angry at me and in the elevator he was shooting daggers at me with his eyes. I wouldn’t actually looking at him though, just out of the corner of my eye. I couldn’t breath I was so scared.
The elevator doors opened and we went to our door and opened it and I walked in. He came in and slammed the door so hard that my pictured fell from the wall shattering the glass into a million little slivers of glass.
Startled by the glass breaking I backed into the living room scared shitless. I couldn’t catch my breath at all, he stalked towards me like a predator. I kept my eyes on him but not really meeting his eyes. He got right up in my face and started yelling at me.
“What where you doing with those guys? What do you think you were doing? You are mine. Do you hear me? Mine! You do not hang out with guys!”
I was shaking so bad I almost fell to the floor but somehow I stood my ground.
“Taylor you knew where I was and who I was with. What do you think I was doing? We were studying for an exam coming up. God, do you think I would go out and cheat on you seriously?”
He just looked down at me and turned around grabbing his keys, but when he got over to the door, he looked over at my newest painting I had hung there and he punched right through it and the wall. My painting fell to the floor at the same time as me. The wall crumpled under his fist, and he walked out the door, leaving me there all alone and crumbled on the floor.
After about an hour being on the floor he came back to find me still lying there, crumbled and broken just like my painting. He rushed to me and picked me up in his arms and told me how sorry he was and that he just didn’t like me to be around other guys. I told him I had guy friends at school and had to work with them and that he would have to get over that. He agreed and held me tight for a while, then helped me clean up the mess.
We went to bed early that night, but we didn’t make love, I was so tired from everything he put me through I told him no.
Coming out of my memories of that day, I could still feel the power of his stare. Sitting with the wedding planner, Carolyn, my mom and Taylor’s mom, I felt them all staring at me.
“Sorry, I was just floating in my memories of us together.” I laughed it off like it was nothing. No one knew about that night, no one!
Carolyn had come around right after that, we had been doing the same things to each other. Calling and not leaving messages. So finally she got fed up and came to see me, I grabbed her and hugged her. We talked everything through and haven’t been apart since really. She’s still my best friend, even though I’ve kept some things, like that night, from her.
Four years had gone by so fast, my head was spinning and now we were in the last leg of planning the wedding. The wedding was in a month actually and I was so nervous it wasn’t funny. I had told myself I was making the right decision a million times, but I really wasn’t sure. I kept telling myself over and over that he was just mad and that he would never hurt me. My mind and my heart were battling each other constantly. In my head I saw us growing old together...perfect, no problems, but in my heart I felt otherwise.
I found out from my mom that no one had heard from Liam in the four years I had been gone. I didn’t understand how he could do that to his family and friends. I was angry that he did that to his mom, I always loved Emily and had asked her to come to the wedding and she’d agreed to it actually.
My dad wasn’t the happiest with me, he still told me repeatedly that he was upset with my decision but that it was mine to make. I had lost a lot because of Taylor, my relationship with my dad was another one going down the drain. I had no clue what to do to fix it either.
I watched him shake his head and walk into the living room and away from us in the dinning room. I couldn’t take it anymore, I got up out of my chair and walked after him.
“Dad.”
“What is it Alexandra?” Just the tone of his voice made me start crying.
“Why can’t you just…be happy for me? Don’t you love me enough to just be happy for me?”
He left me standing there, sobbing. He didn’t say another word to me that whole month. I wasn’t even sure he was going to walk me down the isle. I had lost my dad!
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