A/N: The songs for this chapter are Beauty from pain and Heavily Broken… Thanks goes out to Lindz for being an amazing beta and friend and a huge thanks goes out to you my readers for reading this and being amazing : ) Thanks!!
Chapter 1 ~ The Beauty From My Pain
All day locked up was torture. Surrendering to the pain and crushing weight of knowing I could have done something to save them was the worst of all. I could stand the day after day of being underground, tucked away from view of everyone in the world. But knowing I was there, not five feet away from my father and I had done nothing. I listened as they were all killed…tucked away like I am now.
From that day I had been hidden away, tucked away because of fear. Fear of being found by the one that killed my family. Fear of being told I didn’t try. Fear of everything. Even my own reflection pained me. Looking in a mirror at my own image staring back at me, shot daggers through my heart. Reminding me that I gave up, didn’t even try to fight. I was a coward, plain and simple.
Sitting here I recalled the one that saved me…
Cuddled in a little ball, shivering out of fear not coldness, I stayed there in my little cubby hole of a closet under the stairs. Waiting…wondering what was going to happen now. Then the door swung open and I screamed. The sound of my voice piercing throughout what was left of our house. Echoing in the silence of the dawn of a new day. Till his arms wrapped around me, hushing me and reassuring me it was going to be okay. That they were just happy I wasn’t gone too.
I could see the tears in his eyes, tears that even then I wanted to make go away, even at the age of six. He looked at me like he wanted to say something else to me, but he just let it go and picked me up taking me out of the house. He slowly walked to the back yard never taking his eyes off of me. I could see that something, those words that he craved to speak where floating in his eyes, but he didn’t let himself speak them.
That very person brought me out of my memory of that terrible time.
“Aria where are you?” Ah my one shard of light out of all this blackness.
“I’m in the library.” Smiling as he could finally see me, he sat down in a chair beside mine.
I couldn’t help but smile back, his smile was contagious and there wasn’t much to smile about these days.
A quick smile then back to reading my book, but I always kept an eye on him when he was around. Putting down my book on the small table beside me, I couldn’t help but question him, my curiosity getting the best of me.
“So how long are you staying this time?”
“I’m not sure,” was all he said, not even looking at me.
I knew what it meant, but it didn’t mean I had to be happy about it. I hated being all alone. But I guess I deserved it after everything that had happened. He had just gotten back to me, he had been gone so long. The only two people that I had seen since I was six was Lupin and Dumbledore. I had longed to see my savoir for years asking about him, begging and pleading for news that wouldn’t come, till one day he just showed up.
Sitting in the library, I heard the click of the metal door and ran out into the hallway, wondering which one of my usual visitors it was. I stopped dead in my tracks, when I saw him, my terror building along with my scream that was stuck in my throat. I wasn’t sure who he was at first, till he spoke to me. He looked so different. I had dreams starring him, almost every night since he left, my angel in the darkness.
“Arianna it’s me.” That was all he had to say, the joy of seeing him again hit me and I ran into his arms, like a little girl. He looked and smelled terrible. He smelled like a wet dog, actually he even looked like one.
I couldn’t help but laugh even to this day when I remember myself thinking that about him. I didn’t know back then that Sirius could actually turn into a dog. It was the only safe way for him to travel these days.
He had been in prison for killing my family. Something there was no way in hell that he did. But then again who could tell them that he was innocent, there wasn’t anyone but me and I was dead to the outside world.
He had only been back for about a month. When he got back he gave me the news that crushed me into tiny bits on the floor of my underground prison.
“Aria, I need you to sit down for a minute, I have something to tell you.”
Eyeing him suspiciously I slowly lowered myself into my chair in my library. A library that I always felt safe in. A library that was filled with my mother’s books.
I watched as he slowly paced around the room, trying to gather himself to say something to me and he was making me nervous just with his slow pacing. I kept my eyes on him as he kept making his way from one side of the room to the other. The silence deafening…torture. Standing up from my chair I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Spit it out! I can’t take it anymore. Seriously you’re killing me with this pacing around. Is it that bad that you can’t just tell me?”
Just standing there staring at me he had answered me. It was bad.
“He’s alive,” he whispered where I could barely hear him.
“What are you talking about? Who’s alive?”
The words that slipped from between his lips next were the shocker.
“Harry.”
I couldn’t move, not even to blink. If he meant who I thought he was meaning. That meant he lied to me.
“You mean…” I asked, I couldn’t even get the words to come out of my mouth. All he could do was nod.
It only took a few seconds for this news to sink in and the next things I was saying and doing felt like a dream.
“What…What do you mean my brother Harry is still alive? I watched…I watched as someone took him away, out of the house,” I asked as I stood up and stared right into his eyes. I was so angry I was trembling from head to toe. My stomach was in knots. He had lied to me, something I never thought would happen. I could see it in his eyes, he had lied.
“You told me they were all dead. You stood in the back yard and told me my whole family was dead. You lied to me, why?” My voice was rising as each word came from my mouth. I couldn’t help it, my anger flowed from every syllable that I was yelling.
While I yelled at him I could see that day clear as day in my head when he stood there and told me they were all gone. Dead! But he had lied.
Walking into the backyard of my house, he carried me slowly over to the tree and stood there with me in his arms. I didn’t understand anything at all. I couldn’t comprehend what had happened to my family. Looking over his shoulder I saw the burnt remains of my house.
“I want my daddy,” I whispered. I watched as tears slowly flowed down his cheek. Placing his hand on my small cheek he told me that they were all gone.
“I know my sweet Aria, I know you want him. I wish I could make this all better and make it all go away. But I can’t, they are all gone sweet heart.”
My heart breaking, I didn’t want to believe him, but he had never lied to me my entire life. I had known this man that was holding me in his arms since I was a just a few days old according to my daddy. Why would he lie to me?
“HOW. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? I WAS SIX YEARS OLD AND YOU LIED TO ME. STANDING THERE WITH ME, YOU LOOKED ME IN THE EYES AND LIED. HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MADE ME FEEL? HUH. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU WERE TOLD THAT?”
Shaking harder with anger I let him have it. Fury boiling over and exploding. I flew across the small room and got right into his face.
“YOU LET ME THINK THEY WERE ALL DEAD. THAT I HAD NO ONE LEFT. I’VE BEEN BEATING MYSELF UP FOR YEARS OVER THIS.”
I pushed him hard in the chest with every word I said. He just stood there taking everything that I hit him with. I continued to yell and push him back harder and harder. I pushed him all the way out of the library and toward the metal opening of my underground hell. I wanted him away from me.
“YOU TOLD ME THAT THEY WERE DEAD, THEN BROUGHT ME IN HERE TOLD ME TO STAY NO MATTER WHAT, THEN YOU LEFT ME. YOU LEFT ME! I WAS SIX, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? ANSWER ME.”
But I didn’t give him time to answer me at all. I pushed him one final time as hard as I could, the loud bang as he hit the door echoed throughout every space. There was only one more thing to say to him and as the words came through my lips his face fell.
“Get out.”
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