Chapter 15 ~ Oh Shit What Have I Done Now? (Liam’s POV)
What in the world had I done? I was losing her again. I watched as she got in her car and drove away after saying those words to me. Words that slapped me in my face. How do girls always know the things to say to guys that will always hurt more than if they really did slap you? I swear I think they take girls aside in school and teach them that shit.
“Where you going to leave without saying goodbye to me?” I asked her, wondering if she even cared about my feelings or if she got what she wanted all along. Just to have sex with me and run away, paying me back for all I had done to her before.
She looked at me for a second and tears fell down her face breaking my heart in the process, then she whispered those words.
“Yes, I was, and you know why. You hurt me again. I’m so stupid, I shouldn’t have ever trusted you again.” She got in her car and left me standing there in total shock.
The scene kept replaying in my head, trying to figure out what had happened, standing there like a dumb idiot. Why was she just leaving without an explanation? Why? I mean, I know I hadn’t been around. We had stupid leeches running around, I had pack duty to take care of. I was fucking protecting her from them. Not that I could actually tell her that, I mean, she was my imprint and I could tell her, but damn, she would probably think I was crazy and I would be getting the same damn result from her… her running away. The thought of her leaving and never coming back to me shot so much pain throughout me that I fell to the ground.
One of my pack brothers had gotten hurt that afternoon, Jeremy. He was in my house right now in pain and here I was standing there dumbfounded, trying to figure out what happened with me and my imprint. I had pack duties to do now, I had to go do what I had to do. I loved Alex, but sometimes I just didn’t understand her.
Seth helped me get up and told me that Alex saw me hugging Gina. Oh shit. So she knew, I wonder if she saw Gina and I kissing too. The thought of Alex seeing me kiss another girl almost put my ass back on the ground. I looked up at Seth and knew one thing I had to do, if I was upset I knew Alex was too, so I looked up at Seth with one request.
“Go follow them, make sure they are okay and make it home,” I commanded Seth in my alpha voice. He nodded his head and told me he was going to see if I cared if he did just that. He left right away.
I turned around and Gina was standing there looking at me. I looked into her brown eyes and tried to smile at her. Pictures of those eyes flooded my mind, pictures of her not so long ago.
I was headed for a walk towards the beach, I had just gotten off the phone with Alex and missing her like crazy. Looking out towards the beach I suddenly felt someone phase. So I cut towards the woods and phased myself real quick. It was Jeremy, one of the boys I knew was going to phase soon, so I hurried up and phased back, but not before I told him to calm down, that I was on my way to explain everything for him, and to meet me out back in the woods by his house. He told me his sister just saw all this and she was totally freaking out.
I hurried and phased and ran towards their house. I had known Jeremy’s little sister since we were kids, they had lived on the rez for years. But I was close to Jeremy, he was the same age as me. We had four new members since these stupid leeches came around, it was getting out of hand.
When I got to his house, Gina came barreling out of their house not even realizing where she was going. She ran right into me and I instinctively wrapped my arms around her and she squealed, scared out of her mind, she looked up at me through her tear soaked eye lashes and fell right into me. She almost fell to the ground but I held her up.
I slowly lowered her to the ground though because I had something I had to do and that was to help her brother try to calm down enough to phase back. I looked at her and asked her to stay right there and told her I would be right back. She told me she would. I went towards the woods where I proceeded to help Jeremy to calm down enough to phase back, it was hard to say the least, but I was getting better and better at it.
Once he did phase back he told me that he and his sister were fighting hard core and all of the sudden he started shaking and bam…wolf. I told him it always happened something like that and how it was in our blood and all that jazz. I asked him to use his phone, I knew I was going to need some help with explaining this too his sister, so I called my mom. She came over right away and took Gina to our house. When we got back to my house, Gina came over to me and hugged me, kissing me on the cheek and thanked me for taking care of her brother.
Coming back from my memory of that day made me think about Gina and Jeremy. If I hadn’t been there today Jeremy would have been dead. A vamp got his arms around Jeremy and almost crushed him to death. I got there and took the vamp out, it was the only one so far that we have been able to sink our teeth in, they were so sneaky.
Coming out of all my thoughts I walked slowly over to Gina and kissed her on her cheek. She smiled sweetly at me and grabbed my hand, we headed back towards my house hand in hand. Once we got to my house I headed straight to where Jeremy was laying in the living room on the couch.
He looked awful and as soon as we got in there Gina ran towards her brother. He told her time and time again that he was okay, but she wouldn’t listen. She slapped him on the arm once making him wince and she called him stupid a few times, I thought it was funny. My sister and I did that to each other all the time.
My sister Tallia had phased about three weeks ago. My mom wouldn’t let her go on patrol yet though, and my dad didn’t want her going at all. You know the whole ‘daddy’s little girl’ shit, but I really didn’t want her going either, I would always be too worried about her.
My thoughts were all crazy right now, I couldn’t keep one thought in my head for any longer then a few seconds. The only person that was a constant in my thoughts was my Alex, but this time I think I’ve lost her for good.
My mom brought me out of my thoughts by telling me he was going to be okay, he would just have to stay still for a little bit for the bones to heal. So I was able relax after that. But only for a few seconds, my mom could tell something was wrong with me. She asked me about Alex and I told her about how Alex left. She gave me her questioning look so I told her the whole story. My mom told me that I should try to call Alex so I did, but of course I knew Alex wouldn’t answer.
I wish she would have given me time to explain, but what could I have said to make it better? I had been getting really close to Gina in ways I hadn’t been close to Alex, well, before this week that is. Gina and I had sex together a couple of weeks ago and hadn’t stopped since then. I felt bad about it really, but damn, Alex had a boyfriend, what the fuck was I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for her to realize that she loved me? Fuck that. I was a guy and a guy has needs.
I was going to tell Alex about Gina, I really was, but I guess its too late now. I was going to break it off with Gina after Alex and I made love, but damn, I didn’t have a chance, with everything happening.
I was getting really frustrated with my life at this very moment, I had hurt someone that I loved again and this time I don’t think I can make it up to her.
I got up and walked outside to get some fresh air. I was leaned up against a tree when I felt arms encircle me. Gina was always so loving and caring. I hugged her to me brining her around to the front of me and kissed the top of her head.
“Are you okay?” she asked in her sweet voice. I nodded my head at her, but in the inside I was dead. My head felt like it was going to explode. I knew what I wanted to do, I wanted nothing more then to run and never come back. But I had my pack to think of. I knew I would have to talk to my dad and that was a talk I was totally dreading.
I walked back into my house and looked at my dad and nodded my head towards the back yard. He got up out of his chair and headed through the back doors.
When we got a couple steps into the woods, I turned towards him and looked up into a pair of really kind eyes. My dad had to know I was hurting for that expression to come across his face.
“Dad, I can’t do this anymore. I love her dad and she just left, she’s not coming back to me. I messed up major and I can’t make it up to her. I’d be so stupid to think she would love me after what I’ve done. I need to get away dad, I need to leave and get my head on straight, but I don’t know if I can. With the pack and everything, I just don’t know what to do. You always know what to do.” I stopped shrugging my shoulders. He came over to me and put his hands on both my shoulders, looking me in the eyes.
“Liam, son I don’t always know what to do. I can see how much pain you’re in and it hurts me to see my son in this much pain. I wish I could fix it all for you, but I can’t, you are the only one that can do that. So here’s what I think, you should get away for a little while. Your brother can take care of the pack. You go and see Jake and his family for a little while. I say go there, that way I know where you are and you’re far enough away to maybe clear your head.” I nodded my head to him and he brought me in for one of those man hugs.
He went to walk away but I stopped him and told him ‘thanks.’ He nodded his head to me and went back into the house. A couple of seconds later, I was heading in but when I looked up Gina was on her way to me. I was dreading this conversation too. Once she made it to me her smile she had been wearing faded.
“What’s going on Liam?” she asked.
“Gina listen, I’m going away for a while, I have no clue how long. I wont be back for a long time more than likely, so I’m going to let you go. I’m sorry if I’m hurting you, I truly am, but I need to do what is right for me right now.”
I looked up and she was just standing there staring at me for a few minutes, she even opened her mouth to say something, but closed it right way. She turned around and walked away from me without a word.
I hung my head and walked back into my house, feeling even worse then I already did. I had broken two hearts today and that made me scum. I looked up at my dad and it was like he knew what I was thinking as he came over to me.
“You’re not a bad person Liam, everything is set, Jake is waiting for you.” He smiled down at me and I had to smile back at him. My dad was pretty cool guy.
I nodded my head and headed up stairs to get my stuff together. Once I did, I talked to my brother about the pack, he said he would miss me but he would make me proud with the pack. I knew he would, he was a born leader, just like I thought I was. I told my sister and other brother goodbye. Then told my mom bye, she was crying like crazy, but she said she understood why I was going away. I promised not to stay too long, but she said stay as long as I needed to, until I knew I was okay. I nodded my head and hugged her again.
My dad was the last one I said my goodbyes too, he followed me out to my car. He gave me a huge wad of cash and told me to be careful and to call as soon as I got there, I promised and put my stuff in the trunk. I asked him to call me if Sam Jr, had any problems, he laughed and told me he would.
“Liam you’re a good kid, you just need sometime to think things through. You’re a great Alpha don’t think just because you need some time alone that your not. Okay? We all need time away from everything. So take your time, enjoy it, and work out what you need to. I’ll talk to you soon, get going.” I smiled at him and hugged him then got in my car and pulled away from my home and from La Push.
The trip to Wisconsin, which is where Jake lived with his wife Nessie and the Cullen‘s, it was a very long and boring trip. It took me a couple of days to get there. Once I pulled in to their long ass driveway and took in the huge Victorian house, Jake and Nessie came out to welcome me. Jake shook his head at me with a smile.
“Wow you look just like your dad.”
“Thanks,” I said, taking that as a total compliment.
“Okay, lets show you where you’ll be staying,” Nessie said, wrapping her arm around me and Jake.
Nessie was a beautiful lady and the way she looked at Jake with so much love radiating from her, well it reminded me of the way Alexandra used to look at me. It pained me to no end that I would probably never see her look at me like that again.
Nessie and Jake showed me my room and left me to get unpacked. I was so happy to be alone again, I wasn’t really ready for cheery and happy people, I wanted to be able to wallow in my sadness.
I had no clue how long I was going to stay here or how long I would have to wait until I would be okay enough to try to talk to Alex again. I felt so far from her and it hurt to be this far from her. I just wanted to hear her voice, so I called her cell phone and of course it went right to voicemail, but this time she had changed it.
‘If you want to leave a message leave it, but if your Liam don’t fucking bother, you hurt me and now you will just have to live with the consequences.’
I threw my phone up against the wall breaking it into a thousand pieces. I didn’t give a shit about it either. Her words were crippling to me and I could still hear them in my ears- ‘don’t even fucking bother, you hurt me now you will have to deal with it.’
I was dealing with it, at least I was trying too, I really had no clue how to fix this. I was so confused and I just wished there was someone who could tell me that we would get our happily ever after. But that shit only happened in fairy tales, I might be able to turn into a wolf, but I didn’t live in a fairy tale. She was a princess in my eyes though, but I was the beast that tore out her heart and stomped it.
I stayed in my room for several days after that, not talking to anyone. I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I heard a knock on my door about the third day I had been there, I told who ever it was to come in. It was Edward with a cell phone in his hand. He tossed it to me with a smile.
“Call your mom, let her know you’re okay and living at least. She’s freaking out.” I nodded my head at him and dialed my house number. As I was dialing, Edward walked back out of my room. They were really nice to me, I would have to find some way of thanking them.
It took me a little while to get through to my mom that I was okay, well, as okay as to be expected. She told me to promise her that I would eat and call her at least once a day. I promised and told her I loved her and hung up the phone. I picked the phone back up and dialed my cell phone number to check the messages and there was one from Alexandra.
“Liam listen…I called your house to give you this message but your mom told me you left so I’ll just have to say it here on your voice mail. Liam listen, I was going to leave Taylor for you. That night we made love I gave you my heart, but when I saw you with that other girl, it felt like you threw my gift away. So I’m going to choose to stay with Taylor and you can have your girl. Just try to be happy Liam, please. I’ll….” her phone hung up after that, I had no clue what she was going to say after that.
I looked down at the phone with the urge to throw it again, but I refrained. I needed to get my head on straight so I decided to go for a run. I left the house and headed towards the woods. When I phased I could still hear my brothers back home, I laughed at them a little.
Sam was out trying to teach Tallia something and she was being her stubborn self. They heard me laughing in my head and stopped and we chit chatted in out heads for a little while. Sam told me the pack was okay and for me to take my time, he liked being in charge, I laughed at that and it actually felt really good to do so. But the phone message was still in my head so they heard it too.
My sister felt so sorry for me and I hated that. She told me to cheer up, that Alex would come back to me, it was meant to be, but I didn’t think she was right. I told them I would phase later and talk again but right now I just wanted to be alone. When I phased back I knew some things for sure.
I had been right. I had lost my Alexandra forever. She had made her choice and I was doomed to love her from a far.
0 comments:
Post a Comment