Chapter 7 ~ Picking Up The Shattered Pieces Of My Life
So I walked in my closet to find something pretty to wear for Seth. I hadn’t stopped wearing black since the funeral, but today I wanted to wear colors again. I wanted to feel pretty! I also still hadn’t let my aunt Alice pick out my cloths since the day that he left me, but at this exact moment I so wished she was here.
As soon as I thought it and made my mind up that I was going to call her to have her help me, she was there. She knocked on my door and peeked in and smiled at me. I smiled at her crazy excited face that I hadn’t seen in a long time. Alice loved cloths. I just had to laugh.
“Go ahead Alice, work your magic.” I told her still laughing so hard I barley got out the words.
“Yippee!” was all she said and she went to work on me.
She picked out a baby blue Dolchea and Gabonna halter dress with the same color strapped heels. She pulled my hair up off my neck and pinned my curls into place. When she was done she turned me around to look in my full length mirror. When I looked, I about chocked.
“Thank you aunt Alice. You are amazing. I love you!” I turned and hugged her.
Then I grabbed my purse, sunglasses, cell phone, and my car keys. Told aunt Alice I’d be back later. I didn’t tell her where I was going, because she would have wanted to go.
“I already know where your going crazy girl. You go have fun with Seth. Remember NOTHING BLACK!”
“Thanks, you know you’re the best aunt in the world, right?” all of the sudden I heard a hiss from up at the white house. “ Sorry aunt Rose, it’s a tie, I promise!” I said winking at aunt Alice. She smiled at me and hugged me.
“Now get out there and show him how beautiful you are,” She told me.
I walked out into our living room, Seth was standing there with his back to me, staring at the fire in the fire place. I loved to watch the colors in the fire.
“Are you ready to go?” I asked him
As soon as he turned around his eye’s just about popped out of his head and his mouth dropped, but he recovered really quickly. He got a huge smile on his face.
“WOW, Honey bear you look gorgeous!”
“Thank you, are you ready or not!” I looked down and then looked up at him from under my lashes. It was something I saw my dad do. Seth just stared at me at first then he took a deep breath.
“S-sure where are we going?” he stuttered. I had to smile at that.
“I need to go to the mall, I need a dress for the wedding tomorrow.”
“Okay” he said still with that huge smile on his face. “Toss me the keys and we can go!”
“No!” I said in a playful way, smiling at him. I darted out the door at full speed. I only made it half way to my car when he caught up to me. I started walking slowly toward my car, but I watched him in my peripheral peek, he was still following me.
He reached out toward me, with my back still turned toward him, he started tickling me. I couldn’t stop laughing. Putting his hands on my waist and spun me around to look at him, so fast it was just a blur. He caught me off guard and kissed me. For a minute I was shocked. Then I started kissing him back, I didn’t know what I was doing, but it felt amazing.
He wrapped his arms around me and I tangled my fingers of my left hand in his hair. In that one moment all my sadness vanished and I was completely my happy self again. When he pulled away he smiled the most amazing smile. It was like he was the most happiest person in the world and it made me smile too, because in that moment I was also happy. Then when I wasn’t paying attention again, he kissed me again and grabbed my keys out of my right hand. I pulled away from the kiss for a second to say something but he spoke first.
“ Hey, I wasn’t done kissing you, yet!”
Then he kissed me again, slow and genteel. I let him go ahead and drive my car. I turned the radio up and the windows down. He held my hand the whole way there. When we got there he shut off the car and he came around opening my door.
“I’m not to trilled about shopping, but as long as we are together, I’m up for anything.” I smiled at him, because we were together more than I thought possible for me to have again. I was finally starting to enjoy my life again.
I’m not saying I was over losing Jacob. That was going to take some time, but I was happy. Seth had done that, he had made me happy again. I kept smiling up at him for a minute until he bent down and kissed me on the cheek. Then we walked into the mall hand and hand. We went into several stores and I bought several things. I had tones of bags and he carried all of them for me. Every time I had a bag in my hand he would take it from me. Then we walked by a store I wanted to buy something in, but it was a present for Seth and I didn’t want him to see it.
“Hey, Seth do you think you could go get me a coke?” I asked him. Every time I looked at him now all I could do was blush and smile.
“Yeah sure, do you want anything else?” He smiled back at me.
“No just a Coke will do, Thank you.”
“I’ll be right back, no wondering off.”
“Okay, I’ll be in that store right there,” I told him pointing at the store.
“I’ll be right back,” He walked away, he turned around half way and smiled back at me.
When he turned back around I walked in the store and found exactly what I was looking for. It was a amazing watch. Seth had complained about always being late. So I thought he needed a good watch. So I bought it for him.
I had them engrave words into the back of it. By the time he got back with my Coke and himself a pretzel, the lady at the counter was putting it in a bag. We went to several other store’s, I found a beautiful dress and shoes for the wedding. Seth got a little sad when I wouldn’t let him see them. He kept trying to peek.
“You’ll just have to wait till tomorrow.” I teased him. I really wanted to watch his face again when he saw me in it.
He made the cutest sad face I had ever seen. So I startled him by reaching up and kissing him. I pulled back really fast though, because something felt different this time. I felt something in my heart this time when I kissed him and it wasn’t a nice feeling. It hurt, I felt like I was betraying Jake and I didn’t like it. I starred at Seth with wide eyes and tears came down my face slowly.
“Honey bear, what’s the matter? Did I do something to upset you?” he asked putting his arms around me and hugging me close to his chest.
“No Seth it wasn’t you, I need to go talk to Jake by myself if you don’t mind.”
“ Why would I mind, I told you what ever you need you do it. If you need to talk to him you do it. Do you want to go now?”
“Yes Please. Thank you Seth. I don’t deserve you,” I told him, still with tears streaming down my face!
“No Honey bear you have that backwards. Your to beautiful for me. I don’t deserve you.” He told me brushing my tears away with his fingers.
I felt terrible. On one hand I really enjoyed kissing Seth, but on the other hand I had that nagging feeling of betrayal. I knew Jacob wanted me to be happy and that he knew it would be with Seth. Why would he feel betrayed by me. I didn’t understand the feeling. So we got back in the car and headed back to my house.
“Will you please wait for me here?” I asked him “Please!”
“ Sure Nessie!” He looked into my eyes “You sure you don’t want me to come with you? I will if you want me to?”
“ No Seth. I think I need to do this on my own, but thanks for offering and thanks for staying and waiting for me.”
“ Of course, Ness. You go do what you have to do, then come back to me. Okay?”
“ Sure, It shouldn’t take long and I’ll come back to you,” I smiled up at him.
I took off running at full speed. Within seconds I was there. I sat down where I always did and started talking to him.
“Jakey, I need to talk to you, can you hear me?” I asked him. I was a little scared that he wouldn’t answer me, but in my heart I knew he would. He had said if I needed to speak to him I knew were to find him. I always felt him the most right here.
“ Of Course, I hear you Nessie. What do you need, sweetheart?”
“ Jacob, you know that… I still love you, you know that right?”
“Yeah Ness, I know that,” He paused “ Go on”
“ Well” I paused then blurted out my question “Am I betraying that love for you by falling for Seth?”
He startled me by laughing.
“ What’s so funny about that?”
“ Nothing Nessie. No honey, your not betraying me. I know your going to be with Seth. I told you that. I was laughing at the face he made when you kissed him.”
“You know I kissed him?”
“Yeah Nessie, that face you made when you pulled away really fast, that face was because you thought you were betraying me? Honey, just because you kissed him doesn’t mean that. It means your getting better and your starting to have feelings for him. Don’t worry about me Ness! You always did that, just like your mom. You always blamed yourself for everything. It’s not your fault that you have those feelings for him. Just be happy Nessie! That’s enough for me to be happy, Alright?”
“I’ll always love you Jakey, but I know now that I have to let you go. I do love him already Jake. It’s hard to explain, but I miss you too. It‘s hard to love two people at once.” I whispered.
“I know Ness, I know that you love me and that you always will. I also know you love him. I miss you too, but, you do need to let me go. I love you Nessie! Always and Forever just like the locket says. You were my true love!”
“You were mine too, but you were taken from me Jake! You were stolen from me and now I have another love. I’m scarred Jakey. I’m scarred to get hurt again.”
“ I know that. You need tell Seth that and let him help you. Goodbye my Nessie!”
“ Don’t say goodbye, because your never gone from my life Jake. No matter where you go, you’ll always be right here, in my heart!” I said with tears streaming.
Then all of the sudden I felt Jake’s lips on mine very softly. And he whispered. “I’ll always love you my Nessie. I just wanted to be able to say, I had kissed an angel too.”
Then he was gone. I knew he wouldn’t be here anymore. I set him free today, he didn’t need to watch over me anymore. I walked back to my house at human pace crying softly. When I got back, I went to my car to get the bags out and they already were gone. So I went into my house.
He wasn’t in the living room where I expected him to be instead he was in my room sitting on my bed. I opened my door and he smiled at me. I tried to smile back, but it was hard. I looked down by my closet door and everything was right there in their bags.
“Are you okay?” He asked me, he got up and wrapped his arms around me again.
“Yeah, Seth, I’m fine. I just had to do something that was really hard for me to do.” he kissed the top of my head “Seth, I let him go!” was all I told him.
He just held me for a really long time. Then he kissed the top of my head again.
“You didn’t have to do that, you know?”
“Yeah, I did. It’s the only way I’m going to get any better. And it’s the only way I could tell you this, I love you Seth.” I kissed him again. That feeling of betrayal was completely gone. During that one kiss I heard Jacob whisper in my ear. “ Be Happy My Nessie!” I started to cry again. Seth pulled away to look at me.
“You sure your okay?” He asked.
“Better than Okay!” I told him.
I pulled him over to the bed with me, sat him down and I sat on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me again. I looked up and stared right into his gorgeous eye’s and said it again. “I love you Seth, I really do. I know its weird and really fast, but I feel it in my heart. Its strong too.” He smiled a huge smile and kissed me again.
When he was finally done kissing me I was gasping for air, it felt so nice. I got off of his lap and walked over to the bags and pulled out his present, it was in a black box. I handed it to him and smiled.
“ For you” was all I said. He opened the box.
“Wow, you bought this for me?” he said
“ Yeah, silly who else would I buy it for. Do you like it?”
“ Of course I love it. Thank you.” He told me.
“Turn it over.” He did and he gasped.
He looked up at me and smiled. I just smiled at him as he read it out loud. “I love you Always and Forever! Wow Honey bear, this is the best gift I’ve ever gotten.”
“I’m glad you like it”
“I love you too. Always and Forever!”
“Seth, I need to tell you something I told Jacob today! I told him I was scared to get hurt again!”
“Honey bear, I would never hurt you! Not on purpose, you know Jake would never have hurt you either. He loves you! As do I. If you ever feel that way tell me, you can always come to me and tell me anything. Alright? I love you my Honey bear!”
“ I love you too.” I said
“ You know what now I won’t be late anymore.”
“That was the whole point of the gift.” I said while laughing. I sat there laughing in his arms. He started laughing with me.
We went to the wedding the next day. It was amazing. It was on the beach in La Push, Casey’s dress was beautiful and even Embry looked dashing in his tux. Everyone was happy. Even me, even on this hurtful day, it felt okay for me to be happy. I couldn’t help but smile.
“ Look how beautiful her dress is Seth.”
“Not as beautiful as you are in that dress.” He looked me up and down and got a huge smile on his face.
At the reception we danced the night away. Then we went for a walk hand and hand down the beach together.
“ Nessie, I love you!” He whispered!
“ I love you too My Seth! Always and Forever!” I whispered back and I kissed him in the moon light as he walked us hand and hand towards home.
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