Chapter 1: I'm Not Mommy Dearest
"Hey," I yell to the kids just as I walk into the house, staring at them as they crowd around the front door.
"What's going on? Why are you all out here?"
"The
boys are back, they are all in there arguing about something." Carson
tells me, trying hard not to let me see the tears he's shed. He isn't
doing a very good job of it, though. All of the kids know what the boys
inside are arguing about including me.
When they argue like this, it only means one thing; we are about to move again. I'm fed up with this crap.
Patting
Carson on the head before I bust through the front door, I also leave
my backpack on the ground outside. Even though I know barging in on them
is a huge no-no, I do it anyway. None of us wants to move again, I am
going to be in huge trouble for this, but I have to give my two cents on
the topic.
Slamming the door shut, I stare into every single
boy's eyes standing there. Every single set of brown and gray eyes is
glaring at me, except one; he knows I am pissed and he's just looking at
me with eyes that convey how sorry he is. I don't want to see those
eyes, so I keep my gaze on the others, skipping his pale gray ones.
"I'm not moving again." I state very calmly, before I storm down the hall toward my room.
Throwing
myself onto my bed, I grab my ear buds and my journal before the
inevitable happens, before he barges into my room and begs me to see
reason. I don't want to see reason this time, so I bury myself in my
journal and let the music take me away.
Jan 22, 2012
I've
lived with Daryl since… well, since I was a baby I guess, that's what I
was told. Daryl's neither my dad, nor my brother, he's just Daryl. He
takes in the strays, the unwanted and that's me…
Unwanted.
Even in this house, I'm unwanted.
I'm
the only girl here, the only girl brought into this weird family. I've
asked a million times over why I am here and I get the same answer. You
are here to take care of the kids.
Ha! That's utter
bullshit. I'm here to make sure they don't get scared shitless when they
turn. I'm the one that makes sure they know everything before that day
comes and they are ready for it. Not sure how much it helps, but I'm
here for them till it happens. Once it does happen though, they are
taken from me and I don't get to spend time with them anymore.
Oh...
before I forget, when I say turn, I mean turn into huge ass wolves.
Yep, I am the pack mommy of giant wolf men. Every kid here sees me as
their mommy. I hate it, I am not their mommy dearest. No, I'm a sixteen
year old female.
Taking a deep breath, I immediately feel his
eyes on me, but I don't look up at him. I continue reading, making him
even angrier.
I'm a sixteen year old that has no friends! A girl
who only escapes when she gets a chance to ride her horse, something
that I haven't gotten to do in several months.
I only wish I could
ride my horse off into the sunset and leave... but I have nowhere else
to go. I have no one else to go to. BI can always dream of that - if
it's right?
Sometimes I feel as if I have no air or room to breathe, in this house full of dogs.
Taking
my ear buds out, I gently lay my pen inside my journal and close it.
Waiting for him to say something, I slowly lift my head when he doesn't.
With my eyes, I'm pleading for him to speak first, because if I go
first instead, what I have to say won't be too nice.
"Lil, please
stop looking at me like that. We have to go. There is no way around it. I
have no choice. I am not leaving you here, you are coming with me. They
are coming for us, Lil. They are weeding us out. They want us dead.
Don't you get it? I'm not going to let one hair on your pretty little
head be damaged because of what we are. What do you want me to do?"
Those
eyes stare at me, waiting for me to answer him. He knows his eyes are
my undoing every time. He always goes right for my heart's tender side.
He swears he loves me and that I will love him back someday. I just
don't think I can feel that way about him.
"Daryl, I can't do this
anymore. I can't keep up with this pack, I just can't. I'm not fast or
strong enough. I want to be normal. I want to stay in one place long
enough to enjoy my life. I'm sixteen, Daryl. Don't you remember being
sixteen? I'm not thirty, I'm not a mom. I'm a freaking teenager that
just wants to feel normal. I should be…"
I don't get a chance to
finish my rant, because we all hear the blood-curdling scream and the
loud snarls and howls. My head snaps up and I know that sound very well.
One of the boys has changed and I know exactly which one.
Carson!
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