Chapter 10 (Bella’s POV) Missing Piece Between Wash and Repeat
There he was standing there in the frozen foods section, with a beautiful girl in his arms. I should have known an angel like him wouldn’t want a girl like me. Who was I kidding? He deserved a woman…a woman like the one in his arms.
I couldn’t help the tears that filled my eyes though. I had left, went back to school. I had to get away and move on with my life. But what I hadn’t thought through was the life I had created right here in Forks, near my saving grace. But, I had to face the facts he was never mine…he was hers.
I knew I had to get out of that store and now, but my feet wouldn’t move, no matter how loud I was screaming at them in my head. Looking down at my feet, willing them to move, I tried to fight the urge to look at him. My will wasn’t strong enough though and my eyes connected with his. I watched as realization came to him and that unlocked the glue that had been connected to my feet. I turned from the scene and ran out of the store as fast as I could.
I wouldn’t let him see me crying, he had seen me cry all the time, but not today. I ran to my car got in, slamming the door shut. I locked it quickly and sat there for a few seconds letting the tears flood down my cheeks.
I knew I had to get out of there before he came out the door to rescue me like he always did. So I put the key in the ignition, turned it to start the car and took off as fast as I could, still crying. Getting the hell out of dodge so they say, I saw him in my rear view mirror coming after me like always. But he didn’t see me because this time he wasn’t going to rescue me.
I drove straight back to school and my apartment, not even stopping to eat, drink or even go to the bathroom. Straight there. My brain was being wracked with thoughts of him, him with that woman in his arms, him with me in his arms, his every detail in my memory in perfect clarity. I was in a daze by the time I made it back to my place, barely even realizing I was at home. I even sat in my car, in my driveway, for a few minutes just sitting there staring off into my memories like an idiot. I made myself cry my last few tears before stepping out of the car. I won’t cry over him anymore, I kept telling myself over and over.
I walked into my place, slammed the door shut, locked it and headed straight for bed. The next morning, waking up at 8 am for class was a bitch. My eyes were still puffy from crying so much and I felt like I had been ran over by a MAC truck to say the least. I went to all my classes, and went back to my place and crashed. But my sleep was riddled with dreams of him. What it would have been like if I had stayed and let him rescue me again. Even in one of them he told me she was nothing to him, that he loved me. I woke up from that one screaming in my head. IT’S ALL A LIE! ALL OF IT!
That’s how my life went for the next several months…wake up, go to class, then home and work on homework, then back to bed. Repeat the next day.
Wash…Rinse…Repeat! But the rinse part was missing.
There was something missing in my life and it was fucking me up big time. The thing was I knew what the piece was; I just had no clue how to get it back in place. I couldn’t force it and if he loved that person that was in his arms I was out of luck.
The main thing I knew was that I wasn’t happy at school anymore, I wasn’t happy anymore, period, as I was with my life back in Forks. I just needed to get back to being happy even if I had to pretend for a bit before I got back there.
I had to come up with a plan to get back to my life in Forks, but I had to stay in school, too. So in my spare time I started looking for colleges near Forks, so that I could stay in school but go back to that life as well. It wouldn’t have him as my love but maybe it could have him in my life at least. As…Friends? Not sure if I was okay with it but I would take anything I could get. He always made me smile even in the hard times.
Months went by with me acting like I was happy, with me miserable on the inside…but I kept telling myself, I had a plan and I was working on it. It would get better real soon. I kept promising myself that over and over, until the day came when I found the one thing I was looking for.
I had already found the college I would attend. I even had all the forms ready to transfer. The only things that were missing in my plan were a place to live and a job. So I was just waiting for those things to fall into place. I also wanted to go ahead and finish out the year where I was. So, when I got the call about the job at the library in town opening up I jumped at it. She would hold the job open two more weeks for me when my school year ended. The only thing I didn’t have was a place to live. So I went ahead and got a hold of Jake.
“ Hey Jake, it’s me Bella,” I said into my cell phone. The next thing I heard was a screech like a little girl. I couldn’t help but laugh. I hadn’t talked to him in a while and I figured he would yell at me for it but he didn’t. I had been way too depressed to talk to him and I knew he would hear it in my voice so I never called. He just fired off the normal questions. How are you? What you been up to? All those normal, annoying questions.
“ I’ve been good,” I answered. “Yeah I’m heading home and need a place to crash ‘til I get me a place. Do you have room for an old friend?”
“Of course I do, you’re always welcome to stay with me and you know it,” he replied. He sounded so excited. “When will you be here?”
“Great, I’m packing up here and I’ll be heading that way in a few days. I got a new job there at the library in Seattle and I’m transferring to Washington State University. I can’t wait to get back home.” The line went real silent after I said all this, then he finally spoke.
“Hell yeah! Bells is finally coming home.” A huge smile crept across my face as he spoke.
“Yep, I’m coming home for good.”
I just hope I don’t have to fight for what I wanted, but if a fight is what she wants a fight is what she will get. He was worth fighting for, I knew that now. I’m going home to find the rinse for my Wash…rinse…repeat!
So what did you think??
