Chapter 1 - College and Falling Hard (Leah's POV)
I didn't wait long to leave La Push. I wanted to go to college and I definitely wanted to stop shifting. Since the threats were all gone, according to Alice Cullen, they were all moving across state soon. I took this time for myself and did what I wanted most. I wanted to get even further away from Sam. So I sat down with my mother and told her what I wanted most and she told me to go for it. I was a little shocked at her reaction because she had always said she wanted her family nearby. She also said that all she ever wanted was for me to be happy.
I knew I would never be happy here if I stayed. Everything I looked at here had bad memories attached to it. Either they reminded me of my dad or of Sam. I had lost my dad a long time ago, but just the memory of him lying there on our kitchen floor clutching his chest, me in wolf form in front of him, will haunt me for the rest of my life. I still feel like it was all my fault that he died. I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was another memory that tortured me on a daily basis. I walked down the stairs thinking about him; the one I shouldn't have been thinking about. My Sam. Well, he wasn't my Sam anymore.
I was thinking about the time we had spent together and how it wasn't fair that my own cousin was with him now. I could lie to everyone, but I could not lie to myself. I wasn't over him and honestly, I didn't think I would ever truly be over Sam. I overheard my mom and dad talking about Emily and Sam getting married. I felt my heart sink in my chest and hatred towards my own cousin as it took over my body. Then I heard the one thing that really set me off…my dad was taking their side. He said that they were made for each other. That's when I felt a shimmering heat ripple down my spine and I felt like my skin was being ripped right off of me. I had turned into a wolf.
I didn't, at the time, understand what was happening. I lunged at my dad and my mom, I was so angry that my dad had taken Sam's side on this. After everything Sam had done to me. Broken me into little pieces of what I used to be. The anger was tremendous. That's when I saw Seth turn into big wolf and head-butted me. He told me to get out of there.
I ran out of the house, but I heard my mother scream and something hit the floor. It was my father! I heard Sam's voice in my head along with a couple more of the boys he hung out with. They told me I was a wolf and all about the tribe and the legends that I had always thought were just stories. I was so freaked out about being a wolf and to make matters even more complicated, I find out I'm the only female wolf in our history.
"So I'm a fucking wolf? Not just any wolf, but the only female wolf known in our history? I'm a freak among freaks," I screamed at Sam.
Then I had to find out the true reason why Sam had broken up with me -- he had imprinted on Emily. She got to know everything while he had broken me into a million pieces. Before he met Emily we were so happy. Well, before he turned into a wolf that is. He had been the only guy that I had ever had sex with, I truly loved him. He had promised to love me forever. I screamed at him again.
"I don't want to be part of a pack. I don't want to be anywhere near you, Sam Uley!" I didn't know how much more I could take right now, but my brother had other ideas.
Seth asked Sam about what had actually happened to Emily. Just hearing her name caused me pain. Sam proceeded to tell us how Emily had tried to not fall in love with him, she tired to stay true to me, but the imprint magic was too strong. He told us what he had done to her, and I couldn't believe she could still love him after he hurt her like that. Then I got to thinking…I still loved him and he her hurt me more than I had ever been hurt. Emily had tried to be loyal to me. It was hard to think of her that way anymore, but in my heart I had always thought that she wouldn't have hurt me in that way if she could have helped it.
Seth brought me back from my reverie again, asking about our dad, causing the pain to hit me once again. I had almost attacked my own dad. If he died it would be all my fault and I would have to live with that forever. I couldn't even change back. Seth and I were still too worried about our dad and that collided with my pain about Sam and Emily. To answer Seth's question Sam went to the hospital to find out about what was going on with our dad.
Then he came back and told us my dad had a massive heart attack. I couldn't believe this. I had done this to my dad just because of the pain I was in. How could I have almost attacked my dad? I screamed at myself in my head, but since the wolfs brains were sort of attached they all heard me and I heard Seth whimper. Sam was looking at me with pity in his eyes. I hated that look.
He was still in human form and didn't hear what I had thought, but the look said he knew what I was thinking anyways. After Seth finally phased back, he and Sam headed back towards my house to get us some clothes. It took me an hour to phase back because I couldn't stop thinking about what I had done and what Sam had done to me. Paul went to talk to Sam and I closed my eyes and tried with all my might to phase. The next thing I saw was Seth handing me some jeans, a t-shirt, and some tennis shoes. I put them on in a hurry.
I couldn't even think about all the guys seeing me naked as I had more pressing issues on my mind. Right now I needed to get to the hospital to apologize to my dad. I needed to tell him how sorry I was and that I loved him. I needed for him to forgive me. After I got dressed Seth and I headed back to Sam's truck, I climbed in and didn't even look at either of them, I just starred out the window with slow tears going down my face. I knew I looked horrible, my beautiful hair was full of tangles, twigs, and leaves. I guess I would have to cut it all off now.
We reached the hospital, but we were too late. Again I blamed myself. If I hadn't taken so long to phase back maybe Seth and I would have been able to say goodbye and I could have told him how sorry I was. Now he would never know! The only person I saw was my mom. I knew there were tons of others in there, but I only saw her tear streaked face as she ran to us. She held us for a few minutes and I cried so hard into her, my tears soaking her shirt. That's when we were told we could go in and see him one last time. He was lying there covered up with a white sheet. All I could see was his head, it didn't even look like him.
"I'm so sorry daddy. I'm so sorry!" I whispered this over and over while the tears rolled swiftly down my cheeks.
The whole day felt like a dream that I tried desperately to wake up from, but I was trapped in this nightmare and I was the main star. The following weeks were torturous, the days filled with a constant sense of anguish. I didn't know what to say to my mom or my brother; I was dying inside. I will never forget the look on my mom's face when she saw my dad lying there.
As I came out of that horrible memory I knew what I wanted most in the world. I just knew I wanted to fall in love again and to have children of my own Emily was already pregnant with her first son and just looking at her hurt me right now. There was one thought that nagged me constantly in the depths of my mind…that should've been me. I knew in my heart that I would never imprint on someone. I mean look at me, I am a girl wolf, a freak. There has never been one like me before. NEVER!
So I left and went to California state. I loved it so much. It was a great feeling to be out on my own and I made tons of new friends. I missed my friends back at home, but after a few weeks that started to ebb away. I took up yoga to help with relaxation and I finally stopped shifting. I hadn't shifted in about six months. I was elated about that. I was finally getting what I wanted.
Of course it took time, but I could feel things start to happen for me. I got my period back, I couldn't believe that! That day, I was totally jumping up and down doing a happy dance, just because I got my period. I had to laugh at myself later. Like I said, things were finally working out for me. That's when I met him…Steve! The day I got my period was one of the happiest days I had in years.
I was coming out of my dorm room and bumped right into him. He was there visiting a friend. He walked me out of my building and we started talking. He asked if he could take me out some time and I of course said yes. He was hot! He was ten times better looking than Sam ever was. Sam had nothing on Steve.
Our first date was amazing. We went to a nice dinner at a really expensive restaurant followed by dancing. It was so fun, I think I laughed and smiled more than I had in years. I felt so light and free! My life was changing and I couldn't believe my good fortune. In my head I saw myself taking him home to meet my mom and Seth. I saw myself taking him to see Emily and not caring that she had Sam.
I knew I needed to take things slow though. What Sam had done to me taught me that love hurts sometimes. So slow it would be. Somehow, I got the impression that Steve felt the same way I did about that.
The following weeks, we were together all the time. We studied together in the library, we had three classes together, we had dates on the weekends, and we talked for hours. I was falling for him…hard. No matter how hard I tried to take it slow, it was like I was drawn to him. He wasn't my imprint, because I would never have that kind of love, but I did love him.
After two months, we were out on a date and he told me he had something important to talk to me about. I started to freak out and immediately thought he was going to leave me too. I had hoped that my insecurities had vanished, but they rose quickly back to the surface, plaguing me. Shit, why does this keep happening to me? But, I was totally wrong. We were sitting in our favorite table at Applebee's where we went at least two times a week. He took my hand in his, on top of the table and looked me in the eyes. I usually couldn't get enough of his baby blue eyes, but tonight I was so scared of what he had to say, I couldn't look at him at all. I was looking down at our intertwined hands.
"Leah, I've been keeping something from you and I think it's time to tell you." He stopped for a second and I could feel him looking at me. "Leah, please look at me. It's nothing bad," he paused again. " I love you Leah." I slowly lifted my face up to his. Right now he could shatter me and I would be broken again. After all he did to fix me, he could break me again just as easily. In a stubborn way I didn't want to give him a chance to do it. I started to stand up and walk away, but he stopped me. "Leah, where are you going?" I looked at him one more time and I could feel the tears burning my eyes. One lone tear slowly traced a path down my cheek and his soft fingers gently wiped it away. "Leah, honey, I'm not leaving you. That's what your thinking isn't it? I told you, I love you. I need to talk to you about another part of my life…a part I want you to be involved in."
He came over to me and scooted me further into my booth seat, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me. Our tongues had just started to collide when our food was delivered to our table. We both smiled at the waitress embarrassed, but she smiled politely, put our food down, and then walked away. Steve didn't move from my side of the table and he just left his food where he was sitting.
"Leah, I have a daughter," he told me. I just stared at him for a minute. He let me think about this…let it settle in my brain for a second. He has a daughter.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.
"Because, usually as soon as I tell someone I have a daughter, they run the other way. I wanted to get to know you and for you to know me, without you running away. Leah, I love you and I want to be with you, but to do that, Alex is going to have to be a part of that. What I need to know right now is if that will work for you? Actually, what I really mean is if you are willing to try it out? I don't want to lose you Leah, but my daughter comes first."
"Of course she comes first, Steve, how old is she?" I couldn't believe this, but I wanted kids so much and I also wanted to be part of Steve's life, any part of him I want too. I wanted to try this. He smiled at me.
"She's ten, Leah. Her mom and I were together for two years when she got pregnant, we didn't plan it, but I wouldn't take it back. I love Alexandra more than my own life. Her mom, Kasie, was killed in a car accident four years after she was born. We were high school sweethearts and in her Junior year, she got pregnant. We were going to get married, but she wanted to wait till after Alex was born, then we just kept putting it off.
I felt really bad for him, he had lost a love too. Not in the way I did, but his was worse, she had died. At least Sam is alive and happy.
"I'm so sorry Steve. I truly am. You know, I know how it feels to lose someone you love, I lost my dad." I reached over and hugged him for a second. After our hug he went back over to sit across from me to eat as our food had started to get cold.
Over the next several months I got to meet Alex and I started to fall in love with her so much. It felt perfect, she was a beautiful little girl. She had long brown curly hair, her dad's blue eyes and was very tall for the age of ten. It was great. We spent most of our time together, just the three of us. She had told me she loved me one night after I had put her to bed and read to her. I started to cry when I went back into sit with Steve.
"What's wrong Leah?" He sounded panicked.
"It's nothing," I said.
"Doesn't look like nothing to me." He put his right hand under my chin to bring it up to look at him, wiping my tears away with his thumbs.
"Alex just told me she……….she loved me," I said through my tears.
He smiled at me. "Then why are you crying?" He asked with a chuckle.
"Because I'm happy," I told him laying my head on his shoulder. He held me like this for a little while.
I sat back up and saw a glow in Steve's eyes. There was only three things that caused this: looking at Alex, but she was sleeping, looking at me, but his eyes were turned forward, and when he had a good idea. So that had to be it, he had an idea about something. He usually didn't take too long before he would tell me, so I sat there waiting.
"Leah, what would you say to moving in here with Alex and me?" I couldn't believe I heard what I had just heard. I was finally going to get what I wanted. A family of my own.
I smiled at him and screamed, "YES!"
"Shush, you'll wake up Alex." We both laughed and then shared a passionate kiss with our tongues colliding and fighting a battle inside of our mouths. His hands where up my shirt when we heard her. Alex was standing right by the couch.
"Daddy, why was Leah screaming?" We both looked at her and smiled. I loved her like she was my own little girl.
"Leah is going to move in here with us, what do you think about that?" I watched with pure joy as Alex's face light up with a brilliant smile.
"Yeah, I would love Leah to move in here with us Daddy." She jumped in my lap. " Leah that means you can read to me every night." I just smiled at her and laughed.
I moved in that next week and it was great. The house was a little small, but I wouldn't have traded this for the world. Alex and I were inseparable as much as Steve and I. I had called and told my mom everything and she seemed so happy for me. She had married Charlie Swan and she sounded happy again as well, I missed her dearly.
I wanted her to get to meet Alex and Steve. I told my mom how I felt and she promised to come and visit soon. I was so happy about that, I hadn't seen any of my family in a couple of years now. She promised to come in about a month. I told Steve and he was happy about finally getting to meet my family, even if it was just my mom. The following week went by in a blur. The next week went by a little slower, that was until Steve came home one afternoon. I had thought he had classes all day. He walked into the kitchen, where I was cooking lunch for myself, Alex was still at school.
"Leah, I have a surprise for you. Turn that off and come for a little road trip with me." He took my hand after I turned the stove off and walked me out the door. We got in his car and he drove right out of town.
"Where are we going?" I asked him.
"I'm not telling you that, it would spoil the surprise," he told me with a smile.
Thirty minutes later we pulled into a driveway and in front of us was a magnificent house. It was two stories and a beautiful yellow color. It had white shutters on all of the windows and white trim. It had a movie type feel to the way it looked.
"It's ours Leah," was all Steve said as the tears started to roll down my face.
"Ours?" I asked. He shook his head yes at me and smiled his beautiful smile. I ran into his arms, but he stopped me before I could get there.
"There's something else. Leah, I love you and I want to be with you forever." I watched as he got down on one knee. I felt like I couldn't breath, I know my eye's were huge. "Leah, will you marry me?" I just stared at him for a minute and the tears started to roll even faster. I shook my head yes, I couldn't talk right now.
He picked me up and spun me around, then he placed a beautiful diamond ring on my hand. It looked like it cost a fortune. We stood there kissing for a few minutes then he took my hand and lead me towards our house.
OURS! I was screaming on the inside. He took the key and placed it in the door handle. He opened the door and let me walk inside, it was magnificent. It took my breath away. The bottom floor was open, I could see the living room in front of me, it had a stair case to the side as you opened the door. I walked into the living room, the ceilings were so far up, I couldn't believe my eyes.
It was painted a tan color with white pillar's around the fire place and glass doors that led out to the back porch. There was a large back yard. That's when I saw the kitchen, it was huge as well. The kitchen was all done in dark wood and stainless steal appliances. I turned around to see where Steve had gone and he was still by the front door watching me. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.
"What do you think?"
"What do I think? I love it!"
"Well you haven't even seen the rest, come with me." He led me upstairs next. He showed me Alex's room and her bathroom, a guest room, the extra bathroom, then he showed me our room. It was huge and had it's own bathroom as well, with a large tub and a stand up shower. I was in heaven. Then he showed me one more room, it was plain, not painted. I looked at him and he smiled.
"This one is a special room, it's for our little baby. It's for a nursery. What I'm trying to say is Leah, I want to have a baby with you." I started to cry again. That was all I ever wanted.
"I do too," I told him. He smiled at me and held me again. By this time we had to go back home because Alex would be getting home from school. So we left our beautiful new home and headed to get our daughter.
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