Chasing Fire Chapter 2 - Love and Lose

The music for this chapter are Color Blind by Counting Crows, Never say Never by The Fray, and Dreaming with a Broken Heart. By John Mayer Enjoy

Chapter 2~ Love and Lose

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find time. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
- Brian Dyson

I watched as her car drove away into the night, watched her tail lights as she drove further and further away from me, waiting for her car to be out of my sight. Slowly turning around, I walked back into the academy.

I had planned to go back to my room to study some more then go to bed and be up and ready for that test in the morning. I would have to be up an hour before it to get dressed and in my seat for the written part of the test to start.

I just made it back to the office and looked at my mom, I only had time to let my crooked smile grace my face for her before all hell broke loose.

As the call rang out across the fire pagers around me, the feeling of dread came over my entire body. Four fast beeps then the words of the dispatcher, words I would remember for the rest of my life. ‘Forks fire department, 915, 973, and 913 call number 715, go approximately two miles east from your fire department, two car collision, head on, entrapment. Attention Forks fire…..

That was all I heard. They were calling for the squad, rescue, and a engine, it had to be a bad car wreck. I watched as Esme, Emmett, and several other firemen from our fire station left running to their trucks that were parked outside of the academy.

Realization hit me as Emmett passed me, Lindz…



I ran after Emmett, who turned to me in a flash.

“Bro, what do you think you’re doing? You’re not on the department yet, you can’t come with us.” I looked at him and couldn’t handle what I was about to say.

“Lindz went that way Em,” was all I had to say. My mom heard me and yelled for us to get our asses in the trucks, now. She included me in that, so I grabbed my gear and jumped in the truck with her just as she started it up, my heart pounding a frantic rhythm in my chest.

“You’re not to do anything, you are to stay by the truck, no matter what. Do you hear me?” she asked. I nodded my head. What would I do if it was her? Would I be able to stay by the truck like my mom and my soon to be Chief demanded? I listened as Esme told dispatch to go ahead and deploy air care and I looked ahead, afraid of what I was about to see and the answers I was about to get.

As we rolled up to the wreck my answers were staring me in the face. It was my Lindz and there was no way in hell I was standing by the truck.

As I ran towards the mangled car of the woman I loved, my heart crumbled into a million pieces in my chest. I was going to lose another person I loved. Why does God keep doing this to me? What had I done in my life to deserve to lose the ones I love?


When I reached the car, panic seized my chest and froze me in place. I knew in my head what to do, but I couldn’t get my legs to move, or my hands. I stood there staring at my broken Lindz, wanting nothing more than to turn back time and beg her to just stay the night with me. I wanted her in my arms, not sitting crumpled in the crushed piece of metal she was in. I wanted her to look at me with those beautiful eyes of hers, but those eyes weren’t looking at anything right now, they were closed. I wanted her legs wrapped around me like they were earlier, but her legs were trapped under the dash.

This was all my fault, she came to the academy to be with me, me…it was my fault she was where she was at the moment. My fault she was barely breathing.

My heart was pounding in my chest, and I watched as my brother brought out the jaws of life and prepared to use them. I watched as he looked around and yelled for the firefighters to help him. I was still standing there, right by her door, looking at her battered body, unable to move.

I vaguely heard Emmett’s voice as he screamed at the other firefighters, that’s what snapped me out of it. He needed someone to climb into the car with my Lindz and stabilize her neck and pull the blanket over her head and face so she wouldn’t get cut up any more than she already was. There wasn’t an extra firefighter so I jumped into action fully coming out of my fog. Throwing on my jacket and climbing in, I heard my mom yelling at me in the background, but I didn’t care. No one else was there to take care of her so I was going to do it.

I heard Esme telling me what to do and I followed her instructions to a tee, not taking any chances. I threw the cover over Lindz and me, and Emmett’s face was the last thing I saw as I brought it over our heads.

I bent down, more like crushed my body down, to Lindz and placed my hands on each side of her neck keeping her still and stable while they powered up the jaws and started to cut on the demolished piece of metal we were in.

“I love you Lindz, just stay with me baby. Please, stay with me,” I begged in her ear.

I could feel her pulse on my finger tips and it was fading fast. I felt helpless to stop it, I was begging God in my head, begging him not to take her from me. Her pulse was fading away and dragging her life away with it, with every second of the clock it was taking her life away from her. I yelled for Emmet to hurry up, but it wasn’t Emmett’s voice that came to me, it was my mom’s.

“We’re hurrying Edward just relax. How is she doing?” she asked. She was purely professional and at the moment I loved her for it.

“Mom, her pulse is fading fast, I can barely feel it anymore,” I screamed back at her.

I heard Esme yell for them to pick it up. It seemed like hours went by, but it was only minutes, and they had the roof of the car cut away and taking it over us.

After that was gone, they started to roll the dash away from her legs. It only took them a minute to free her and as they started to remove her from the wreckage, Esme made me get out. I didn’t want to stop touching Lindz, I kept shaking my head at Esme mumbling about not wanting to leave her.

I kept my hands on her neck as they put a backboard under her and removed her from the car. I stayed right with her as they put her in the helicopter that I hadn’t even heard land, and got in there with her. They tried to refuse me but Esme talked them into letting me go. I looked at my mom with tears in my eyes and mouthed my thanks, then we took off into the air.

As we were taking off, I saw the other car that was involved in the wreck and saw the driver standing there wobbling, the police were questioning him and giving him a sobriety test. He was drunk, I could tell, he could barely stand up. If I was down there and saw him, I would be arrested for murder. I would have killed him for hurting Lindz.

I looked over at the ER nurse and doctor on board pleading with them to save her and they promised me to do all they could do, but nothing more. I wanted them to say she would be okay, but I knew they really couldn’t tell me that.

We made it to the hospital in about twelve minutes after leaving the scene. Lindz’s pulse was still fading.

When we got inside, my dad and Jasper’s sister, Rosalie, ran towards us. Esme must have called them. I took one look at Carlisle and the desperate pleas tumble out of my mouth.

“Dad please…please help her, I can’t lose…anyone else in my life. I love her, please help her.” I begged and pleaded for him to save her, and his reply pissed me off to no avail.

“I’ll do all I can Edward.” With that, he rushed Lindz off to surgery, to an area of the hospital I wasn’t allowed to be, with Rose right on his tail. I was standing there at a door as I watched them take her away from me, not knowing what was going to happen. I just stood there staring through that little square window even after she was gone, staring at the empty hallway.

“Sir, you’ll to wait over in the waiting room.” A small apologetic smile was on the nurse’s face as she pointed me in the direction of the waiting room. I looked at her and barely nodded my head as I walked passed her to the room to sit down.

The room wasn’t crowded, actually it was pretty empty for a hospital waiting room. I sat down in one of the paisley patterned chairs with my leg bouncing up and down totally numb, barely there, feeling nothing.

I sat there, for I have no clue how long, it could have been minutes or even hours, but the next thing I knew, Esme and Emmett were there sitting next to me. I had my head in my hands thinking about how there was no way I would live through losing yet another person I love.

I felt Emmett’s hand on my shoulder and Esme looking at me. I looked over at her and she gave me a look that told me ‘I know what you thinking’. I looked into her loving eyes and all my emotions came flooding out of my eyes. I fell into her, the person that had taken me under her wing and loved me after I had lost everything. She held onto me and just let me cry it all out.

“I can’t lose her mom…I don’t think I‘ll be able to live through it.”

“Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, don’t you ever say that. You are strong, you can make it through this, Carlisle said he would do his best and he will. You have to trust him and trust that she will be okay.” I looked into those eyes that I trusted completely with my life since I was ten and that fate filled day, the other day that I lost ones that I loved.

I didn’t understand how I was going to make it through this, but she was right Carlisle did say he would do his best and seeing as he is one of the best doctors here in the hospital, actually in this state, I will trust that she will make it.

About an hour later, an hour of pure hell, Carlisle came back through those torturous doors he had gone through earlier, doors that I had stared at the whole time. He looked at me and a small, loving, fatherly smile spread across his face.

“She’s in recovery right now, she’s got a long road ahead of her Edward. I’m going to keep her in a medical a coma until the swelling in her head goes down. I’m not sure about the damage to her brain at the moment though, there is too much swelling, I might have to go back in. Her heart rate is back up and her vitals are good. We will just have to wait and see Edward. Have you called her parents?”

Shit, I hadn’t even thought of that, I was too worried about her. I shook my head and I dug my phone out of my pocket and called them, walking away from my family. I headed towards the vending machines to explain to her parents that Lindz was in the hospital, but I stopped with my finger on the send button. I don’t even know what happened to her, how can I explain what happened to them?

I walked back with purpose towards Esme, she looked at my face and tried to smile at me, but I needed to know if the fucker that hit my Lindz was drunk or not. I didn’t even have to ask her though, she said the five words that crushed my world.

“Yes, Edward he was drunk.”

I turned on my heel and pressed the send button, calling people I barely knew and told them that their daughter was in a medical coma because a drunk ass driver hit her head on. Anger flowed through my veins and I pulled my fist back and punched the Coke vending machine.

Turning around and leaning against the vending machine, that now had a dent the size of my fist, I slid down to the floor with my elbows on my knees and my hands in my hair. I sat there in silence for a few minutes, trying to comprehend what her parents just told me. I didn’t want them to do this, but they were adamant. I tried to talk them out of it, but they said it would be best for Lindz and there was no way I would go against anything that would be good for her, I loved her too much for that. I resigned myself into still believing this was my fault and I knew I would always accept blame for her getting hurt.

I stood up and walked back into where they were all standing now, though Jasper was there with Alice and Rose was out there too.

I didn’t even look at them though, I nodded in Jaspers direction but looked right at Carlisle.

“Can I see her? Please”

I needed to see her with my eyes to see that she was still breathing. I needed to be near her, to hold her hand, kiss her on the forehead, tell her I was right there and that she was going to be okay. I needed her…

“Of course Edward, I’m really supposed to wait for her family, but I know Lindz would want you in there and it might do her some good. Follow me.”

I followed him through those forbidden doors and we walked to her in silence. When I got to her I gasped. It didn’t look like my beautiful Lindz under all those bandages and black bruises on her face. I could already see two prominent black eyes, her lips were all puffed up and swollen, her delicate features riddled with cuts.

I looked down at her and let my fingers travel down her cheek, as a tear slid down my face. That bastard had broken her and he will be damn lucky if I don’t break him, that is if I ever see him.

I looked up at my dad and asked him if I could be alone with her and he smiled and nodded, closing the curtain with him as he went. I drug a chair that was in the curtained off area, over to her and sat down. I grabbed her hand in my own and placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles.

“Your going to be okay Lindz, I’m here and I love you baby. Your parents are on their way. They want to…” I couldn’t even bring myself to say what they wanted, it would crush me if they decided to actually follow through with their plans.

I leaned down and placed my forehead to her hand and begged God to let her make it through all this. I hadn’t begged him for anything since that one night, but now I was begging with all my might.

I heard the curtain open and it was Esme, she came over to me and put her arms around me. Looking down at my Lindz, Esme’s motherly face shattered and a few tears came tumbling down her face.

“Edward, are you going to stay here tonight or come back to the…” she let her question fade away with just one look at my face. “I’ll bring your books and a couple changes of clothes for you when I come back.” Keeping my eyes on my beloved Lindz I nodded my head.

She opened the curtain and I was again alone with Lindz. Her parents probably wouldn’t be here until sometime tomorrow, they had to get a flight from Florida first. I was dreading them getting here. I had only met them one time, her dad was a nice man, but her mom was very protective of their only daughter.

I laid my head back down on her hand and waited for my love. I didn’t know how long she would have to be in a medical induced coma.

I woke up when Carlisle came into the partitioned room and told me that Lindz had her own room now and she would be taken there in just a little while. He told me he made sure it was a private room with a cot in there for me. I thanked him and he gave me the stuff that Esme sent back for me. I took it from him as he told me he had to go on his rounds. I smiled at him but, of course, it was a weak reflection of my normal smile. He patted my shoulder and squeezed.

“Edward, you need to get some more sleep.” Again I just nodded my head and placed it back down on Lindz’s hand and fell back to sleep.

It wasn’t long until they came to take her to her room and I got to lay down on a cot, scooting as close to her as I could, I reached out to her and held her hand all night long.

The next afternoon her parents arrived, they came right in and her mother moved me right out of the way. Her mom looked at me with the evilest face I had ever seen.

“You did this to her,” she stated with so much menace in her voice.

I looked at her totally shocked, how could she think that of me? I mean, yeah, I was blaming myself and it was my fault, but how could she jump right to the conclusion before she even knew what happened?

“I’ll be staying with her tonight, you’re not needed here anymore.” I had no clue how to respond to what she had just said, I was still in shock that she would accuse me that fast, she didn’t even really know me. She went on and on about how I needed to just leave. The only thing I heard was her last sentence. “You were nothing but her charity case, she only stayed because you were so broken. She wanted to fix you.”

There was no way that Lindz thought about me that way, I had asked her that time and time again in the past, but apparently her mom thought of me that way.

I decided to give her mother some time to cool off, so I walked back over to my spot next to Lindz, bending down to kiss her cheek I moved my lips to her ear.

“I love you Lindz and know you don’t think of me that way. I’m going to give your mom some time, okay? Know that I love you and I’ll be back tonight. Love you so much Lindz, don’t you leave me, you hear me? You be strong,” I whispered, leaning back up and looking at her mother and father. Nodding to both I walked away.

I went straight to the academy and to Esme. I didn’t even stop to say hi to my brother or anyone else. I knocked on her door and told her I needed to talk to her. She told me to come in and when she realized who it was she gave me a weird look, her face clouded with questions.

“Edward, what are you doing here?”

“Um… her parents sort of kicked me out. Mom, I don’t think I can do this. I’m not strong enough to finish the academy without her.” She came around her desk and stood in front of me, taking my face in her hands.

“Edward, you are the strongest person I know. You can do this, but if you want to quit class I won’t stop you, but know that I will help you make it through. I’ll come to the hospital and help you study and help you all I can, but I can’t take the tests for you and I can’t make the decision to stay, that’s all you. You know I love you and will love you no matter what you do, but you told me this was a dream of yours, you told me you weren’t doing this for anyone but yourself. So you need to take a couple of days and make a up your mind on what YOU want to do. Okay?” I nodded my head at her, then she added more to her little speech. “What do you think Lindz would want you to do?” She kissed my cheek and went back around her desk with me stunned into silence standing there like an idiot, I hadn’t even thought about it that way.

Lindz would want me to keep going, she would tell me not to give up just because of her. She would tell me what Esme told me, that I was strong and could handle this. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath walking out of Esme’s office and to my room to study.




*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Its been three months since the accident and still every day I fight with the thought of quitting but then I think of Lindz and what she would say and that helps me to go on. I spend some time with her when her mom will let me. I spend my nights here at the academy though, and her mom stays with her. They are still sticking with their plans and I’m dying inside about it. I pray every day that Lindz will open those beautiful eyes of hers and tell me that she loves me and doesn’t want to leave.

I was getting a little excited about tonight though, Carlisle had told me this morning before drills that he was going to bring Lindz out of her medical coma. He wants to see if she will wake up or not. I was on my way to the hospital, with Esme and Emmett in my truck. We only have two more weeks left in the academy and then we graduate and find out where we will placed. Jo is still keeping right up there with Jasper and I, so I’m really worried about that.

When we got to the hospital we were greeted by her parents. Carlisle was in with another doctor that her parents brought in for her, even though I told them that Carlisle was the best around. They didn’t listen to me though. I didn’t wait for them to say I could go in this time, I just walked into her room and went straight to her side. I was fed up with their attitude, I loved their daughter and they were just going to have to get over it.

When I got seated next to her, with her hand in mine, I looked up to see Carlisle’s lips twitch like he was fighting back a smile. I had told Esme and Carlisle that they were trying to push me out of Lindz’s life and they told me to fight it, that if I wanted to be there, then be there. I knew Lindz could hear me so I leaned down and kissed her forehead, noticing that most of the bruises were gone now, and whispered how much I loved her. I told her how much I missed her, how much I needed her to wake up, and come back to me.

Her parents came in and Carlisle explained every thing to us, that he was going to give her something to bring her out of it. They had already took the breathing tube out of her, and she was doing so good breathing on her own, that he felt very confident that she was going to wake up and be okay. He said it wasn’t a guaranteed though, that she hit her head pretty hard, there could still be damage to her brain, possible loss of memory as well.

I just listened and held tightly to her hand. She was going to come back to me, I knew it. I was so happy that she was going to be okay…but she wasn’t.

Carlisle gave her the medicine and about an hour or two later, as her eyes started to flutter, I was right there by her side still holding onto her hand. She looked at me first and I smiled at her, but the look on her face said it all. She was scared, paralyzed with her fear of…me.

I looked at her shocked face and my heart fell to the ground. Her mom came over and took her other hand walking all over my heart, as she interrupted my moment with Lindz. Lindz looked at her mom and looked just as scared as she had when she looked at me. Ha! Lindz was scared of her mom and me, what’s going on? I looked up at Carlisle and he was watching Lindz, then the beautiful voice that I had been begging God to hear again, spoke in a whisper.

“Who are you? Where am I?” She was looking from her mom to me and back again.

Looking at her I realized what happened, she lost her memory… totally. She didn’t even know me. She wasn’t okay. Carlisle came over and asked her parents and me to step out into the hall so he could see what was happening. I stood up and started to walk out into the hall slowly. When I made it to the door I looked back at her and tried to smile, but it wasn’t happy really. I was sad, scared, upset, angry, all at the same time. I didn’t know
how to fit all these emotions together. I felt like I wanted to cry and hit something. Emmett seeing me like this knew what I was feeling, he came over and took me for a walk down the hall. When we stopped in the family waiting room that was currently empty, Emmett spoke to me, but I wouldn’t look at him, I kept my back to him.

“Bro, calm down, dad’s in there, he will fix this. She loves you, you have to know that. Would she want you to be upset?” I looked at him, letting him see my tears and I didn’t give a shit either. I hadn’t cried this much since my real family died and I didn’t give a shit that he was seeing me like this.

“Em, you know I love her and I know she loves me, but if she has lost her memory it will be like I lost her in that crash. She will be gone, the Lindz I knew will be gone. Her stupid ass parents want to take her back to Florida with them, they don’t even give a shit that I love her they don’t give a shit that she loves me. They told me this was all my fault Em, MINE! I KNEW THAT BUT WHY DID THEY HAVE TO TELL ME? WHY DOES THIS SHIT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO LOSE MY PARENTS OR MY SISTER? NOW I HAVE TO LOSE LINDZ, I CAN’T EM!” I screamed at him, I couldn’t help it, I was going crazy with all the guilt, pain, sadness, anger, it all just boiled over and came out of me.

It took so much out of me yelling at him like that, my legs gave out, and I fell to the ground with my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees. I just wanted someone to tell me that she was going to be okay and that she was going to stay with me, but I knew deep down in my heart it wasn’t going to happen. I knew in my heart that I was still going to lose Lindsay…my Lindz… a love I cherished so much.

Carlisle and Esme came to find me then and told me that her parents were in there with her, that they asked that I be kept out since I scared her. How the fuck did I scare her? I was pissed off that they would even ask that. Carlisle explained to me that Lindz has major memory loss, that she don’t even know her parents. He said we would have to give it some time to see if her memory will come back which it very well might not.

I had a hard time choking back the anger and the tears this time, but I did it. This was it, I was losing her. I nodded to my family and walked out of the hospital to my truck. They had a right to keep me away from her, they are her parents and she is just my girlfriend in their eyes, but in mine, she was everything to me. More than just my girlfriend, she was the girl I was going to ask to marry me, to spend the rest of my life with.

I sat there in my truck for a few minutes with my head on the steering wheel thinking about everything. After a little while I wiped my eyes and headed back to the academy and threw myself back into my studies.

The last two weeks of the academy were pretty easy, just a lot of tests and studying. Every night though, Carlisle would tell me when her parents would leave for dinner and I would go over and sit with her, she always let me come in and talk to her. It was nice and I could relax when I was around her. She wasn’t the same Lindz though, and that was killing me on the inside.

I told her stories of how we met, about our first date, about other dates we went on, about us moving in together, about everything. She would occasionally ask questions and I would answer them. When I got to hear her laugh and smile, that always made my day.

I told her all about the fire academy and I could see a glimmer of pride in her eyes, it gave me some hope.

“I wish I could remember you,” she said with sad eyes one night after I shared my Chinese food with her. I lowered my head as her words hit me.

“Me too Lindz, I miss you.” I said this and let a tear glaze down my face, she stopped it though, gently brushing it away with her finger. Just the touch of her hand on my face brought my heart to a flustered pace. I gently brought my hand up and intertwined my fingers with hers. I brought it up to my lips and let her fingers graze my lips, gently placing a kiss on each of them. “I have to tell you something, please don’t get scared Lindz, just know I love you. No matter what, I’ll always love you.”

I needed her to know this before there wasn’t anymore time to tell her. It was her next words that tore at me.

“I know that. I can see how much you loved your Lindz.”

I looked up into her eyes, she was trying to tell me that she wasn’t my Lindz anymore. I understood she wasn’t her, but she could be again. I would love her the way she is right now, I just wish I could have a chance.

“My graduation is tomorrow night and I know you will be leaving the hospital in the morning….. My Lindz would have done anything to be there, even though my Lindz doesn’t remember me, will she come if she can?” I asked. I smiled as she nodded her head.

I stood up and asked one more thing before I went back to the academy for the night.

“Can I give you a kiss on your cheek? I have a feeling I won’t get to see you after tonight and I…” I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I fell by her side, by the bed and felt her hand go straight to my hair. “ Please Lindz come back to me. Please love me. Please, I need you Lindz. I can’t lose you…I just can’t.”

She sat there rubbing circles in my hair and waiting until I cried it out. I got up, kissing her hand again, and went to walk out but she wouldn’t let go of my hand. She brought me to her and asked me to sit on the bed. I did as she asked and she leaned up slowly and kissed me, I opened my mouth immediately and let her in.

Our tongues danced like they always did and our spark was there, I could feel it, but she was so different. She was right, she wasn’t my Lindz. We were interrupted my her mom and dad as they came in the door, her mom gasping and dropping her dinner. I got up from Lindz’s bed with a wink and passed them with a simple “good night.”

I left the hospital so happy, but then it hit me-she was kissing me goodbye and all hope was crushed to smithereens, along with my heart.

That night I didn’t dream of the house fire, I dreamed of Lindz turning her back on me and leaving. I dreamed of her saying goodbye and I knew it wasn’t a dream, it was more of a prediction. I felt it and knew it was coming. I knew I had to do the right thing and let her go, and maybe when her memory returned, she would come back to me.

I couldn’t fall asleep after that, so I got up and got my stuff packed for tomorrow. We already had our last test and it was graduation day and the day were we would find out where we would be stationed. I would be going home to my empty house, where all her stuff was, and wait and see if she was going to come back to me or not.

I got packed and ready for the day in my dress uniform, the only thing we didn’t have yet was our assignments and our badges. The assignments would be given out in an hour, during our last class together, our badges at our graduation.

Most firefighters that go through the academy have a loved one pin them with the badge, I had asked Lindz, but since she wasn’t going to remember that I asked my mom and brother to do it. I really wanted Lindz to do it. I tried to put Lindz out of my thoughts for a moment, even now knowing she had no clue who she really was, it still was hard for me to do that. I headed out of our room and down to breakfast, I ran right into Jo.

“Oh, sorry Edward. Hey, I am really sorry about Lindz.”

“Thanks Jo, good luck today. I know you’ll do great wherever you go.” I barely looked at Jo as I walked past her, I meant every word I said truly I did, I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything today.

I walked into the lunch room and sat next to Jasper, not eating anything. I wasn’t really hungry. My stomach was in knots, all I wanted to do was get today over with. If Lindz was okay and coming I would be happy today, but I have no joy anymore. Nothing to be happy about. I just wanted my fucking Lindz back. Why is that such a hard request to answer?

After lunch they had us all go to a class room and sit down, I noticed that all the La Push boys made it through, yippee. I sat down next to Jasper and waited. All the instructors and the fire chiefs from all the fire departments in the area were here as well. They all stood in front of us as my mom made a speech about how we all did great and we were going to be the best of the best, blah blah blah…just tell me which fucking fire station I will be working at so I can get out of here and get this damn day over with.

“Okay the first fire chief to announce his new members will be the chief from La Push Volunteer Fire Department. Chief Clearwater.”

A medium sized man came forward and of course he got all three of the La Push boys, go figure. Two more fire departments went, taking everyone except Jasper, Jo and me. They asked all three of us to stand and my mom stepped forward again.

“Okay you three scored the highest scores on the final exam, you three all tied. Jo, I know where you really want to be, I understand that. Jasper, Edward, I also know where your hearts are,” she said, glancing in my direction. “So here’s the deal, in the beginning I said that there were only two positions available at my fire station. I have another opening, I would like all three of you at my department.”

I stood there gawking at my mom for a few minutes, then a smile crept upon my face. I got what I wanted. I got to go work with my family and with my best friend. Plus, Jo got what she wanted, to work in the department that her father was chief. I smiled over at her a genuine smile, something I hadn’t done in all these months that Lindz was in a coma.

I nodded my head to her and she actually smiled back at Jasper and me, too. I think we were going to make a great team. They let us go back to our rooms to get our stuff and get ready to go, On our way back, Emmett stopped us.

“Hey you two, now the real shit happens. I’m happy for you both, you did it. Now you get to fight the real thing with us. Good job,” he said and walked away.

Our graduation was getting ready to begin, we were all in our seats waiting. My head was down looking at the ground practically. I saw Esme eyeing me and tried to get me to smile, I tried for her but it didn’t come out right. She mouthed the words ‘I’m proud of you’ to me and that got me to smile. That’s when she stood up to begin.

“Ladies and gentlemen, these are your graduates.” she paused as loud applause filled the area. “The ones that will be there when the call goes out, the ones to come when you are trapped in your car and can’t get out, the same ones that will save your house, and possibly even you when your house is on fire. Yes ladies and gentlemen, these are our new Firemen.” The applause was loud as my mom finished her starting speech.

It fit perfect and I’ve actually heard it a few times, she gave the same one when Emmett graduated. I listened to all the speeches, even Emmett’s, his was rather funny after all. After Emmett’s speech it was time to start with the pinning of the badges, then we would get to show off a little bit. We would do three drills, saving people from a high rise, cutting someone out of a car, and show off our new hose abilities.

Emmett’s face was hilarious when he told the audience the drills because he actually said it just like that, rescue, cutting, and hose ability. The only ones that didn’t laugh were females of course. I definitely knew how to use my hose, not that I would be doing that much anymore with Lindz…not knowing me. I shook my head to get that thought out of my head.

It was Jaspers turn to be pinned. He had asked my mom to do it, because, well, she was more of a mom to him then his own crack head mom. His dad beat on him as a kid, that’s mainly how we became good friends. When I came to live with the Cullen’s, Jasper was there right next door and for some reason I told him everything and he told me everything. We’ve been best friends ever since, now we would be doing this together.

“Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.” I heard Esme call my name and the crowd where my dad sat was loud, he had Rose with him. Like Jasper, Rose was family to us too, she was always at the house.

I stood up and went to walk onto the stage when I saw her. Lindz was standing there beside my mom. I looked at Esme first and then Lindz. I walked up to her and stood there in front of the woman I loved as she whispered and pinned me.

“Edward, I still don’t remember, but I can feel that I loved you so much. I can feel a need to be with you. I am so proud of you for going on and doing this. You are a… strong, amazing, beautiful person, never forget that. Thank you for sharing your love with me. Even if it was short lived.” I watched as her eyes as they flooded with tears and streamed down her face. Her lip trembled as she went on. “ Congratulations.” She placed my badge on my shirt and hugged me close.

I breathed in her scent and felt her relax against me. She turned around and started to walk off the stage but I stopped her, turned her around and kissed her with so much force. I wasn’t letting her leave without one last kiss. I picked her up in my arms and carried her off the stage.

When we were up towards the front of the building, I released her lips and set her down so her feet were on the blacktop. I gently replaced a strand of her hair behind her ear. I looked down at her tear streaked face, out of the corner of my eye I saw her mom and dad standing there. I took her hand in mine and brought it up to my lips.

“They want to take me back to Florida, they think that maybe it will help bring back my memory to be in my childhood home. I guess it’s worth a try, right?” she said shrugging her shoulders.

“Yea, I love you Lindz, always. If you start to remember anything call me.” I waited for a moment so the lump in my throat would pass, and as I leaned in to kiss her forehead, her arms were instantly there, holding me to her. “If you remember me…come back to me. I‘ll be here waiting,” I whispered, my voice broken.

She looked up at me in complete shock.

“No Edward, don’t mess your life up waiting on me. Live your life. Be happy. For me. Please, do it for me,” she whispered back, her own voice full of emotion.

“Lindz I did do this for you. Please don’t go?” I started to lose it and beg.

“I have to Edward. Just live.”

Just because she didn’t die in the car doesn’t mean I couldn’t lose her still…she walked away from me and our love. I’m not sure what was more painful, to watch her in that mangled car as they cut her out, or to watch her walk away from me not even looking back.

They always say give the person you love wings to fly and let them soar, I was giving her hers to spread and soar, but she took off in the wrong direction….away from me.



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Posted in: Chasing Fire